Nightmares
by Tvist
Summary: Will never asked his brother about his military service, he only knew that he hadn't been there when Jay had been at his lowest. First CPD story, might be more if inspiration strikes again.
1. Chapter 1

**Nitghtmares**

Will worries.

He'd shut out his family, brother included when their mother had died but he wasn't stupid. He was a doctor after all. Will knew what was happening to their mother. He'd just shut everything out. Jay arguing with their father, his obvious trauma from fighting a war,. Will had seen what combat could do to a person; he knew Jay had seen more than he would ever tell anyone.

Will had crashed back into reality at some point. Recognizing that his family had fallen apart somewhere along the way, while he'd partied, started a career and messed up his career. Coming back to Chicago, seeing Jay again, trying to rebuild a relationship with him was difficult.

He was left worrying. Jay was closed off, unable to rely on Will in any way. Not used to having anyone there to lean on except maybe Mouse. He'd been the friend that had pulled Jay home from Afghanistan mostly in one piece, but not quite.

Will never asked his bother about his service, he only knew that he hadn't been there when Jay had been at his lowest. He'd failed him. Will never questioned Jay about the scar on his neck, but he knows what a scar from a tracheotomy looks like. Jay had been hurt, but he never talked about it, never. And Will never asked. He tried to look into his brother's medical file at Med, but there was nothing in there about any injury or follow up after one, there was nothing that indicated what had happened.

So Will worries about his brother. Jay who always seemed to bounce back from anything, but lately he's been looking tired. Worn out somehow, a bit pale, moving slower than normal.

Living together makes it easier to keep an eye on Jay. Staying on his brother's couch it's easy to know when Jay sleeps and when he dreams. Will isn't up to date on the diagnostic criteria for PTSD but he's pretty sure this is what's wrong with his brother.

Tossing and turning, small whimpers ending up in a cry, cut short by Jay waking up. Then the lights in the bathroom turning on, the water running in the sink, and later turning back to bed, nightmares. Will is pretty certain something has triggered Jay, and nightmares are interrupting his sleep almost every night.

It's a week of Will also losing sleep before he gets up to check on Jay when he hears him at two in the morning. He knocks on the bathroom door, hearing his brother's harsh breaths inside the small room.

"Jay….you okay? "

He knocks again, "Jay? Answer me,, are you okay?"

When there's no answer he carefully opens the door, afraid of what he'll find but still ready to face his brother's pain. Because he owes him, this time he's not running away from what's going on.

Jay is on the floor. Leaning against the bathtub, his t-shirt soaked through around his neck, eyes shut tight, dark lashes against pale skin, freckles standing out harshly in the bathroom light. There's evidence of tears, wet stains in his face. Jay's knees are drawn up to his chest, arms resting on his knees.

Will get down on his knees, still not touching his brother, not knowing if Jay knows he's there yet.

"Jay, hey, I'm here….you're okay…"

Jay still doesn't give him anything, he's eyes firmly shut, breaths coming in short gasps.

" Hey, Jay, it's Will, you're okay, just try to slow down…open your eyes for me please," Will knows he needs to get his brother back to the here and now to stop the vicious cycle of memories he's in at the moment. He's not sure of how to do it, but if he can get Jay to look at him, he might be able to pull him out of it.

"Jay, I'm going to touch your knee…please open your eyes for me, just so I know you're with me.."

Touching him makes them both startle, Jay opening his eyes and trying to pull away, Will lifting his hand from where he touched his brother's knee.

Jay's eyes search the room, obviously disoriented about where he is, finally landing on Will, recognition finally settling in.

"You're okay; it was just a dream…." He inches closer to his brother, his back also against the bathtub, shoulder to shoulder, feeling his brother's uncoordinated breaths, panic still coursing through his body, adrenaline still burning bright in his eyes searching him out.

"Slow down, or you'll pass out, count to five…hold on…let it out slow.." Will tries to get Jay to follow his lead, slowing down his breaths. He sneaks an arm around Jay's shoulders, hoping his presence helps him back to reality.

Will can feel Jay's trembling subside after a few minutes of trying to make him slow his breaths down. He can feel his little brother come back to himself in increments. First his breathing slows, the shaking subsides, and then he hides his face in his arms that still rest on his drawn up knees. When Jay leans away from him he can tell his brother is finally fully back with him.

"I'm fine…" Jay's voice is hoarse when he finally speaks. He turns his head away from his arms to look at Will with bloodshot eyes.

"Yeah, you are…" Will lies, knowing how far from fine his brother is, but he can't confront him with that at the moment.

He drags Jay closer, his arm around his shoulders, needing to keep him close; afraid he'll disappear back into his nightmares again.

They sit in silence until Will' eyes start slipping shut, Jay still leaning against him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Inspiration did strike again so here some more. Sort of a transition into what happens next. I need to mention that English ins't my first language and this is not betaread by anyone. **

**Okay, on with the brofeels!**

Morning was awkward with both brothers remembering Will helping Jay to bed, steadying him, Jay's equilibrium shot just by standing up too fast from the bathroom floor. The dark spots dancing in front of his eyes scary, as it reminded him of a different time, losing consciousness, it feeling like he's about to disappear.

Will had the opportunity to study an unguarded Jay for a few seconds before he's noticed by Jay as he exits the bedroom. He's still pale, still traces of tension in the frame of his shoulders. He hadn't heard any more signs of nightmares after he made sure Jay was asleep, leaving the door ajar just to be sure he'd be able to hear him stir.

He considered dosing his brother with a sleeping pill, but pretty sure he'd refuse, Will hadn't suggested it. Medicating family wasn't something he did lightly.

"Morning" Jay scratched the back of his head, looking down at his feet as he walked past Will and his breakfast.

"Morning…" Will continued to study his brother, an occupational hazard, his clinical skills mixing with brotherly concern. He wasn't being objective he knew that, his worry coloring his view.

"Get any sleep? " Jay flinched, turning to look into the fridge as he seemed to consider his answer to a simple question.

"Yeah, sort of…" he turned to Will, looking him in the eye for the first time, shrugging his shoulders a smile flitting across his lips, still holding Will's gaze.

"Good…cause I've been worried Jay." Will thought this was a good a time as any to try and coax his brother into talking to him.

"Yeah? Well I'm fine, just a nightmare, I've had them before, no worries." Jay was building his walls back up. The defiant stare, his back straight, gone was the hunched over guy that had exited the bedroom. Jay had gotten enough rest to get his defense back up and working.

"You know…if you ever need to talk, I'm here…" Will stood up and took a step closer to Jay, keeping eye contact looking for an opening.

"I know I wasn't there before, but I'm here now," Will could see the cracks forming in Jay's carefully constructed but thin walls, his eyes avoiding his for just a second, blowing out a breath he'd been holding in.

Shaking his head, he locked eyes with Will again, "thanks Will, I'm okay, just don't…don't push me," Jay splayed his hands out, taking a step away from Will.

Will could tell he needed to give Jay some space, or he'd slip away from him, shut him out.

"Fine, I won't push, relax… just know that I'm here for you if you need me."

They'd never been good at sharing their feelings, Jay being the worst of them, expertly locking every emotion away. His eyes always betrayed him though, at least to those who knew him. He had the worst poker face ever, even if he'd never admit it.

"Thanks…" his voice was rough; his big blue eyes betraying him as always.

"So, I need to get to work…my shift starts in an hour," Will abandoned the used dishes in the sink, rounding his brother as he went to get ready for work.

Grabbing his bag and putting his shoes on he took one last glance at Jay, still not liking what he was seeing.

"Be careful out there today," Will said as he opened the door to leave.

"I will," Jay looked back at him with a somewhat familiar smile on his face, a semblance of his old self.

The bad feeling didn't leave Will as he closed the door, hoping for a quiet shift for once.

**Tbc**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the feedback and interest in this. There's some whump coming along, and some brotherly dramalama;.)**

It had been a slow start to Will's shift, just a couple of patients with the common cold and a few chest pain cases to keep him busy. He kept thinking about Jay, his disassociation in the bathroom that night, and if he should have told him to stay home from work. What if it happened in the middle of a firefight?

The thought made Will restless. He couldn't wait for this day to be over so he could checkup on Jay again.

He looked in on his patients, their test results, sending two of them home. When there was another lull in his day he grabbed his phone, deciding to send a message to Jay, just to be sure.

Will was relieved when Jay answered him swiftly, telling him he was still fine, and to stop bugging him. He hadn't told anyone about his worry; he'd considered talking to Choi as he knew Jay and his history. Will saw death and destruction every day in his job, but what Jay had experienced was still foreign to him, Will knew he was safe doing his job, Jay on the other hand had felt his life threated on a regular basis, and he still probably did in his current job.

Having never been told what exactly had happened to Jay in Afghanistan, he had to wonder what kind of injuries he'd sustained. No one had told him, his father listed as Jay's next of kin, had been informed, but Will hadn't been there. He had been partying his pain away.

As he left the break room he could hear the charge nurse call out incoming casualties. His mouth went dry, thinking about Jay being out there on the streets, getting shot at.

Choi ran past him, taking charge as the first gurney was pushed into the ED form the ambulance bay.

"PD in the house" Maggie declared, as two more casualties were pushed inside. Will got busy, needing to know who it was. When he didn't see his brother he felt relief flooding him, making him function again.

Everyone was busy except him, as he was left standing near one of the trauma bays, watching the organized chaos inside.

"Car chase went bad" Will startled, as Jay appeared beside him, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Shit! Jay! What the hell!" Will wanted to slap him for scaring him, but stopped cold as he saw blood on his brother's jacket collar.

He couldn't help himself as he started to search for the source of blood on his brother. Will's hands grabbed Jays arm, dragging him away from the door and to one of the open bed's dragging the curtain shut after depositing Jay sitting on the bed.

"You hurt? Were you in the crash Jay?" His hands searched his brother's head for any injury; he could feel a knot at the back of Jay's head, his hand coming back with blood on it.

"I'm okay, just hit my head somehow, I was in the back, Ruzek was driving." Jay seemed oddly detached from the situation, trying to look over at where his colleagues were being treated, but the curtain was closed.

"Yeah? Well, you're bleeding so…does anything else hurt?"Will bent down trying get eye contact with Jay, to see if he was there with him in the present or stuck somewhere in the past.

"Jay? You with me?" Will grabbed Jay's shoulders and shook him slightly when he didn't answer.

Jay seemed to respond to the gesture, looking back at Will, eyes wide.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm okay, nothing hurts," Jay looked dazed.

Concussion, Will thought as he looked around to find someone who could look his brother over, he knew his objectivity was shot when it came to Jay's wellbeing. Especially after the night they'd had.

He left Jay sitting on the bed, hoping he would stay put, looking out the door he found Choi ordering a CT scan of Ruzek as the Police officers' bed was moved along towards the radiology department.

"Hey, Ethan? Can I borrow you for a minute?"

Ethan looked up from the pad he was reading off. "Sure, what's up?"

"It's Jay, he showed up with a head wound, apparently he walked away from the crash and I don't know, suddenly he was standing beside me. He's bleeding, and he seems concussed."

Ethan left his pad by the desk he was leaning on and waked over to Will, looking over his shoulder at Jay.

"I'll have a look at him," he said, passing Will, making his way over to where Jay who trying to stand up.

"Great," Will whispered mostly to himself, as he saw Jay try to get his feet under him.

The thing was that Ethan had a rapport with Jay that Will never had or ever would have. They'd seen the same; it was as if they shared some secret that only they could understand. Ethan got Jay to lie down so he could examine him. The cut to the back of his head still bleeding; scalp wounds always blead profusely.

Coaxing Jay to accept some pain medication just to have him a bit drowsy for the procedure, Choi closed the wound with old fashioned stitches, after numbing the area with a local anesthetic. Jay's eyes closed of their own volition after a while, the medication working quickly.

"Let's get him to CT before the drugs wear off, just to be sure; it's probably a grad 2 or 3 concussion." Ethan checked Jay's vitals as he explained his assessment to Will.

"He's probably going to be a bit disoriented later on, and with his history, let's make this as smooth as possible for him," Ethan shared a knowing look with Will, obviously he knew Jay had been through something traumatic during his time in Afghanistan, even if he never had divulged any details, ever.

Will agreed, helping Choi release the breaks on Jay's bed, as radiology was ready for them. His brother startled a bit as the bed moved, but he soon calmed down as Will put a hand on his shoulder, "sleep Jay, we're just moving you,".

It was a bit disconcerting to see how docile Jay was as his eyes closing, without any protest or complaint about what was going on around him.

"I'll go with him Will, you go do something useful around here," Ethan smiled, knowing Will worried, not wanting to leave Jay alone at radiology.

Checking up on Jay's colleagues he found out that Ruzek and Al both were fine, just cuts and bruises, both cleared for any internal injuries, their trauma CT scans coming back negative.

Ruzek was admitted for observation while Al was released. Will tried to ask if they remembered if Jay had been checked out on scene by the paramedics or if he'd come to the hospital by himself somehow. No one knew what had happened to him.

tbc.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reading and leaving reviews. Hopefully you won't be dissapointed by the drama ahead. **

Jay felt floaty, not asleep and not awake, but as if he was detached from the world, his body heavy his thoughts jumbled and disjointed, he couldn't grab on to anything solid.

"Jay? Try to relax for me; this will only take a minute." The voice was somewhat familiar, but Jay still felt like something was wrong.

He was lying on his back, there was something soft underneath him but not like his bed. Trying to move his head he realized something was holding on to him, holding him down.

"He's coming around…" the voice was back and with it there were hands touching him. Jay tried to lift his arms to push them away, but he was stuck.

"Jay, you're at Chicago Med, we're just getting a head CT," Jay tried to get his arms loose; they were stuck some kind of cloth was over him, making it hard to move. A blanket? He needed to get his arms loose!

He felt the first tendrils of panic start to rise in his chest.

"Whoa, Jay, open your eyes…look at me…get his brother in here, and 2 mg of Ativan…"

He couldn't get enough air; his chest was growing tighter with each breath. Opening his eyes, he could see people rushing towards him, suddenly he was back in one of his nightmares, unable to move or breathe.

"JAY, come on…please…" that was Will, he recognized his brothers voice through the red haze of adrenaline fueling him.

"Wha…what's… I need to get out, can't breathe…" Jay begged his brother.

"You can breathe, just slow down…"

"Ativan on board, 2 mg's" someone by Jay's head said loud and clear, Ethan?

Jay looked at Will, his face filled with concern leaning over him.

"You've got a concussion, it's making you a bit mixed up, just slow down your breathing...hold it in…I'll count to five…one, two, three, four, five, let it out…slow," air rushed out even if he tried to do it slow, like Will instructed him to.

Jay was beginning to feel drowsy, anxiety starting to fade a bit. He could see the blanket covering him, his arms tangled up in it, Will was holding on to his shoulders, leaning over him.

"Shit…sorry…I uh, what's going on?" Jay was confused, what was going on, where was he?

"You have a concussion, you're at Med, we're trying to get a CT of that scrambled brain of yours," Will smiled at him, but Jay could tell he was worried.

"Oh…okay…what the hell…did they give me…" Jay felt himself slip backwards, a medicated glide making his mouth dry. He felt like he was losing himself, it scared him, he'd felt like that once before. He tried grabbing on to Will but his arms were still under the blanket.

"You're fine, just something to relax you a bit, everything's okay…"

Jay wanted to believe him as he felt himself slipping backwards into darkness, everything fading away.

CPDCPDCPDCPDCPD

Will was exhausted. His eyes wanted to slip shut every two seconds. Struggling to stay awake he kept watch over Jay. Will's shift had ended abruptly when his brother had panicked in the radiology department getting a head CT.

He didn't know how bad his brother was doing until that moment. The nightmares he'd heard were just the tip of the iceberg. There was more underneath the surface then anyone had seen. But now Will wasn't able to un-see the panic in Jay's eyes, as he fell under the spell of the sedative they'd dosed him with.

Jay was still sleeping off the drugs; he seemed to be a lightweight when it came to tolerance for benzodiazepines, the drug still holding him under. Will was glad his brother was getting some rest; the more he slept the less he would feel the effects of the concussion later on.

Will watched the monitor above Jay's bed, his blood pressure, oxygen saturation and pulse on display. Everything looked fine, blood pressure a bit on the low side, but Jay was a healthy guy so it was deemed within normal range. They'd hung a liter of saline to avoid dehydration as Jay slept the day away, the IV snaking under the blanket covering his brother.

He looked peaceful, now dressed in the hospital issued gown, still pale, but he wasn't restless or looked like he was having any dreams. Lying on his side, left arm haphazardly slung across the bed, his hand hanging off the side. Will grabbed it, needing some sort of connection to Jay that he lacked when he was wake.

Will held on to his brother's hand until de could feel Jay start to stir. It was nightfall; already dark outside the hospital windows. Jay had slept for several hours just tossing and turning a few times, but quickly calming.

"Augh…" Jay's eyes opened but quickly shut again as the light above the bed hit him.

"What…Will?"

His hand clutched Will's as he seemed to try and make sense of what was going on.

"Hey, Jay..welcome back…" Will said as he got up from the chair he was sitting on, ready to stop Jay from dislodging the IV in his arm.

"What? " Jay opened his right eye, keeping the left one firmly shut against the light. His right hand coming up to rest on his forehead.

"You were in a car crash; you have a concussion, stay still…please….Jay?" Will could see Jay starting to take in his surroundings, and not wanting a repeat performance of what happened earlier, he stopped Jay's hand as he started to pull on the IV line.

"Shit…. Ah! My head hurts," Jay stopped trying to figure out the leads and tubes around him and put both hands on his head as if he was trying to keep it in place.

Will felt bad for him, the CT scan coming back fine, but Jay would probably feel the hit to the head for a while.

"Yeah…sorry about that, I'll have them bring you some painkillers." Will wanted his brother calm, pain free and if possible sleeping through the night. He pushed the call button on Jay's bed to get one of the nurses bring some pain medication sooner rather than later.

"No…no I don't want it, just….wait…" Jay sounded a bit desperate as he put his hand on Wills arm, but it was too late, a nurse was already at the door.

"Jay…Come on...How about something for the nausea?" Will could tell his brother was sick to his stomach by the slightly clammy skin and pale complexion. He turned from Jay to the nurse, telling her to get some Phenergan as that could make Jay sleep as well. Ethan had been generous with his as needed orders before he left for the day.

"No just, don't, it makes me too loopy," Jay complained.

"You're already pretty loopy," Will said, with a smile on his face, trying to placate his brother and make him accept what the nurse was bringing.

The nurse came back with a syringe in her hand, reaching for Jay's IV access.

"NO, DON'T!" Jay moved his arm so that she couldn't reach the tubing going to his arm.

"Hey…hey...calm down…Jay?" Will was ready to jump into action, seeing Jay start to get out on the other side of the bed. Jay's leg already going over the bedrail, pulled up for his safety as he'd been confused earlier in the day.

"Just, stop! Don't, please," Jay begged, his eyes wide with fear.

" It's just something to make you feel better." The nurse said as she started to reach for Jay's arm again.

Reacting to her advance Jay grabbed the arm holding the syringe, stopping her from injecting him with anything.

"Okay, just relax, we won't give you anything you don't want Jay," Will stepped in and made Jay release his hold on the nurse, "it's okay, just leave it, I'll talk to him," Will said as he took the medication from her hand and waved for her to leave them alone.

Jay seemed to calm down, but if it was possible he looked even paler then before, his freckles a stark contrast to the rest of his skin.

"What's going on Jay, tell me…" Will was trying to understand what was going on, but he had an idea.

"Just don't give me anything….just don't…,"

Will knew Jay was barely hanging on to what little control he had, and that was probably where the problem was right now.

Jay was lying back on the bed, exhaustion setting in, what little adrenaline he'd managed to muster to protest the drugs were fading.

"I'll stay, I'll wake you..." from nightmares, but Will didn't say the word. It was implied, and he thought despite his scrambled brain Jay understood what he meant.

On his side again facing Will, who sat down beside the bed again, Jay closed his eyes, blowing out the breath he'd been holding in, as he settled back against the pillow.

"I just…don't know if I can stop it…" Jay said his voice low.

"I'll stay," Will tried again to make Jay believe him and trust him.

Will found the IV port, showed Jay the syringe and slowly put the needle in, looking into Jay's eyes as he started to push the plunger, "I promise I'll stay."

Jay was quiet, not protesting or saying anything, as he watched what Will was doing.

"There, you'll feel a bit drowsy, and the nausea should settle."

His brother didn't say anything, his eyes closing, and after a few minutes of silence Jay's body seemed to relax in sleep once again.

Will blew out a big breath feeling like he'd tricked his brother somehow. Hoping for a quiet night he settled back and watched Jay sleep.

**Tbc**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the feecback and PM's I really do appreaciate it. Here's the next chapter, hopefully there's more to come. **

Hank Voight stuck his head in to door early the next morning. Waking will by a hand on his shoulder he asked about Jay. Will not knowing how much to tell his brother's boss, who he was sort of afraid, just told him about the concussion and that Jay would need a week off.

They didn't wake up Jay who was still resting, not having had any bad dreams during the night; he'd just been up once to go to the bathroom. Stumbling along Will could tell he'd been dizzy.

Voight left, telling Will to take care of Jay and that he could take as much time as he needed the team was down for the time being as Ruzek and Olinsky was out for a while as well.

Jay started to stir just as Voight had left, turning his head away from the window, the light still bothering him.

"Jay man ,wake up," Will needed to see how he was doing before he decided whether to leave his brother alone and go change to head home or if he needed to stay.

"Ugh, what? Leave me alone," Jay's voice was gravely and he seemed a bit grumpy.

"How do you feel? Better?" Will got up and stretched his legs, even if the nurses had pity on him and had gotten him a cot to sleep on beside his brother he still felt like he'd pulled an all-nighter

Jay took his time answering, as if he was assessing the situation before he could give a reply.

"Head still hurts, need to pee but I don't want to move," Jay looked up at Will with bleary eyes.

Will wanted to know what Jay remembered, and asked standard questions about where, when and what before he deemed his brother fit to move.

Jay seemed steadier on his feet so Will left him alone to do his business in the bathroom. As he was waiting Ethan stopped by, wanting to know how his patient was doing.

"He's better I think, no disorientation. Gave him some Phenergan last night, helped with the nausea and he slept most of the night."Will kept his voice down, as he knew Jay wouldn't like them discussing his condition behind his back.

"Yeah, he was really out of it. Do you know if he's seeing anyone…you know, PTSD wise?"Ethan asked, making sure Jay didn't hear him through the bathroom door as well.

"He really doesn't talk to me about that stuff Ethan, he's pretty closed off, you know?" Will wanted to ask what Ethan knew about Jay's service, but he knew his colleague was too loyal to his brother to ever break his trust if he'd had his brother's trust in the first place.

"Yes, I know, but from his performance yesterday he should get help, he disassociated and it was not just the concussion, you know that as well as me Will."

"Yeah, I'll try and talk to him about it later, just not right now. I think he needs to get some semblance of control back before I push him."

Ethan agreed, and just then Jay exited the bathroom, skin almost green from the obvious nausea.

"Oh oh, he's about to puke," Ethan said, taking a hold of Jay as he tried to make it back to bed in one piece.

Will found an emesis basin and trust it under Jay's chin just as he started to heave. Nothing much in his stomach, he was reduced to dry heaving.

"You done? " Will asked when it seemed Jay's stomach had calmed down. His hand on Jay's back, feeling the cold sweat on his brother's skin though the opening in the gown at the back.

Nodding his head yes, Ethan and Will watched as he got his feet back up in bed, collapsing against the pillows, breathing deeply still warding off the nausea.

"Here, some water, rinse your mouth," Ethan held a glass of water with a straw in front of Jay.

Jay rinsed his mouth, spit the water out in the basin and leaned back against the bed again, keeping his eyes closed.

"I'll have them bring meds for you, okay," Ethan said wanting Jay to respond he put a hand on his shoulder.

Jay didn't answer just nodded his head yes, the movement obviously making his head hurt as pain was etched on his face immediately.

Ethan left the brother's alone. Will still not sure if he should leave or stay, felt the exhaustion weigh him down again.

As if reading his mind, Jay opened his eyes, "go home Will, I'll be fine."

"You sure, I can stay, really, it's no trouble, I'm not going to work, they gave me a few days off."

Interrupted by a nurse entering with medication for Jay to swallow, stopped the conversation short. Jay studying the pills with a weary expression, "they won't knock me out?" he asked, looking up at the nurse.

"No, it's just to stop you from throwing up," she said smiling at Jay, trying to convince him to get some relief.

As she left the pills on the nightstand for Jay to take later, Will had to ask, "what's with you and meds Jay?"

"I don't like them, makes me feel funny, loopy and…you know…I just don't like it," Will could see how uncomfortable Jay was being honest with him.

"The nightmares…that's what it is right? " Will dove right into it, seeing an opening.

Jay looked down at the hands in his lap, and Will couldn't help wondering how much he'd had to go through alone, without anyone there to help him.

"Makes it hard to keep track…of what's real," Jay met Will's eyes, a solemn expression on his face. Deciding to come clean it seemed, to let Will in on his misery.

"What can I do, tell me how to help," Will felt desperate to do something, needing to fix everything, and after he'd abandoned his brother he needed to make amends.

"You help plenty, the other night; just reminding me where I am… that helps."

Jay's eyes were filled with tears, his composure slipping. It was unnerving to see his brother so vulnerable; Will felt his brotherly protective streak rise.

"Good, just let me know what else I can do…Maybe you should get some professional help, you know, therapist, I know someone, Dr. Charles, he's pretty good."

Will hadn't meant to suggest Dr. Charles just yet, but when he had this opening in his brother's carefully built wall he felt he had to use it.

"I did….I mean, I got help, a few years back, at the VA. I just uh…got better and then, lately…it's been hard, so I uh…I'm okay," Jay looked at Will, trying to look as fine as he could sitting up in a hospital bed.

"Yeah, you're okay, but maybe later, I can get a copy of your record and ask if he'll see you," Will wasn't going to let Jay slip away, he had an opening and he was going to get through.

Jay looked down at his hands again, contemplating Will's suggestion, he could see he was starting to grow tired, his shoulders slumped, he was almost hunched in on himself, looking smaller then he really was.

"Okay, but not yet…I'm not ready yet..."

"That's fine, I'll get them to transfer your medical records, and then you'll let me know when and I'll talk to Charles," Will knew he had won.

**tbc**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews and PM's. Hope people are still enjoying this. On with the story!**

Jay felt restless. He'd made Will leave him alone. Jay's doctor had wanted him to stay for å few more hours before he'd release him, as he was still suffering the effects of the concussion pretty bad. He'd thrown up his breakfast so he'd refused to try lunch, just drinking some apple juice the nurse had forced on him, arguing that he needed something in his system if he was going to be going home later in the day.

Hopefully Will would get some sleep and come get Jay in the early evening.

Ethan had been by to check on him, explaining to Jay what had happened the day before, as he had a hard time remembering. The concussion had scrambled his brain pretty bad. Ethan warning him about the effects of it, that he would need rest.

Problem was that Jay's coping strategy if his flashbacks or nightmares resurfaced, was either going to the gym to work out until he could hardly stand up, or watch TV all night. Neither strategy would be an option for a while.

Having closed his eyes just for a minute to rest a minute, the headache bothering him he could hear shuffling steps outside his door before someone knocked. Jay wasn't ready to face his boss or anyone else but he knew he had to at some point.

"Come in," he said as loud as his head could tolerate without the apple juice he'd swallowed coming back up for a surprise visit.

"Hey, is it okay to visit," Erin said opening the door, Antonio a step behind her.

"Yeah…come on, come in." Jay tried to smile and act like he was happy to see them.

Jay felt awkward sitting up in a hospital bed, IV still in his arm, leads monitoring his heartbeat, blood pressure cuff around his bicep. It was slightly claustrophobic; his colleagues standing over him, the equipment attached tethering him to the bed. Not able to get up and wander the room to get away from their scrutiny.

Erin must have picked up on his discomfort taking a step back from him to sit down in one of the chairs beside the bed. Antonio walked over to the end of Jay's bed, deciding to put some distance between them, leaning against the wall.

"You doing okay?" Erin's eyes were searching Jay as if she was inspecting him for damage.

"Yeah, headache, other than that I'm okay I guess." Jay had to avert his eyes as he was lying just a little bit, but they didn't need to know, it was enough with Will's concern smothering him.

"Yeah? You remember what happened at the scene yesterday? You disappeared from under our noses!"

Antonio seemed upset.

"Uh..no…just Ruzek cursing and then we hit that other car. Yesterdays' a bit fuzzy still," Jay really didn't remember how he'd exited the car or the ride to the hospital.

"Will said you hit your head pretty bad, had to get some stitches. There was blood in the back seat; the window on your side broke." Erin said, still looking at Jay as if she was trying to figure out some kind of mystery.

"Explains the headache then," Jay tried to smile at her, diffuse the tension in the room.

"You caught a ride with the patrol car following the ambo that carried Ruzek, they thought you'd been cleared on scene by paramedics," Antonio supplying more information about what had transpired at the scene.

"Huh, really? I can't really remember much," Jay reached up to rub at the bandage at the back of his head; it was really starting to itch.

"We thought you'd gone home, that you were unharmed until Will called me. Said you'd been admitted overnight with a head wound."

Erin leaned forward, her arm reaching across the bed rail, her hand taking Jay's, a gesture of concern.

Looking down at their joined hands he didn't really know what to say.

"Are Ruzek and Olinsky doing okay?" he asked remembering someone telling him they were doing okay earlier. But he needed to shift the focus over on someone else.

"They're okay, just cuts and bruises, both are recuperating at home. You're the only one still in hospital," Erin's raised eyebrows was supposed to tell Jay something but he missed the point, his brain wasn't working right.

"Good, glad everyone's okay." Jay closed his eyes, tired of keeping up appearances, his headache spiking.

Both his visitors went quiet, obviously waiting for Jay to open his eyes again, Erin's hand squeezing his in an unspoken question if he was fine.

Another knock on his door startled him, and Erin's hand let go of his.

Opening his eyes he found Will peeking in the door.

"Hi! Didn't know you had visitors," Will wasn't in his scrubs anymore; he looked a bit more rested then when he left that morning.

Jay could tell his heartrate had spiked as the beeping behind him speeded up.

"You okay?" Will asked noting the monitor and the telltale sign his brother was distressed.

Jay just nodded his head, not answering Will's question verbally. The beeping slowing down.

"We'll leave you alone Jay, I'll come by later when you're home to check on you," Erin said, getting up from the chair looking at Antonio, then giving Jay a hug.

"I'll take him home later; he's off work for at least a week. Head wounds are tricky though so he might need more," Will said looking down at Jay's tired form.

"Get some rest Jay, take all the time you need," Antonio said, as he put a hand on Jays shoulder.

"Yeah, thanks, I'm fine though, don't listen to him," Jay tried to put on a smile, but it was difficult to put up his normal front.

Erin and Antonio left, leaving the brothers alone. Will had brought a bag of clothes as the ones Jay had been brought in with were dirty and bloodied.

He'd brought his little brothers favorite sweats, and a Hawkes t-shirt. Will left to tell the nurses station that he'd be taking Jay home.

Jay was dizzy as he sat up, pushing his hands though his hair touching the bandage at the back of his head. It was strange how he'd lost time, the blanks spots in his memory disconcerting to him. He'd had blackouts before, alcohol induced ones for sure. But there was still a week missing from his time in Afghanistan before waking up in a hospital in Germany that he didn't want to be reminded of.

Will came bounding back into the room, making Jay push way his disturbing thoughts.

"Okay, let's do this," Will said, determination on his face as he tossed Jay's clothes on the bed, his hands going for the strings tying the back of Jay's hospital gown together.

It wasn't as awkward as he'd thought it would be as Will helped him get his own clothes back on but Jay insisted he could put his shoes on by himself. Bending over to tie the laces making his head spin, but Will stood back, letting Jay have his way.

It was a balancing act between helping and keeping his distance so that Jay could have some privacy and not feel smothered.

Will tried not to talk constantly as he drove to their place, he was keeping Jay close by for a few days. There had been some protests when he'd learned Will would stay home with him, but when Jay understood that it was either that or another night at Med he'd shut up about it.

His brother was quiet, not something entirely new when it came to Jay, but it was difficult to gauge him when he was like this.

Making their way into the apartment, Jay sought out the couch pretty quickly; he looked kind of ashen, the concussion probably making him feel like shit. Getting him to eat and take some meds would be the first challenge Will thought as he went to put his brothers belongings away in his room.

Jay had tipped over on his side, lying down when Will returned, his eyes closed, the furrowed brow a telltale sign of him not sleeping.

Will found the bottle of Advil and the antiemetic Ethan had prescribed, hoping his brother would swallow the pills without arguing this time. Being at home hopefully made him less skittish and afraid to sleep.

Presenting Jay with two pills and a glass of apple juice after poking his shoulder to make him open his eyes Will could see the fear there. It was bubbling under the surface.

"You need it, come on, sit up," Will helped pull on his brother's arm, helping sit up.

"I'm not sure I'll keep them down Will, just give me a minute."  
Will couldn't tell if he was stalling to get out of taking anything, or if he was being truthful about being too nauseated. The look Jay gave him was begging him to not nag him.

"Okay, but it'll help make you feel less sick so maybe you should try? You haven't really eaten anything in the last 24 hours so you could use some calories in you." Will tried smiling, make Jay feel less like a project Will had to deliver on.

Jay studied the pills for a minute, then picked them up and rolled them around in his hand before popping them in his mouth and swallowing them with the juice Will had provided.

Will smiled, as he watched Jay from the kitchen, happy his brother was trying to do what was good for him.

**tbc**


	7. Chapter 7

**So there seems to be less interest in this as I continue to post, so I'll try to wrap it up sooner rather then later. Thanks for reading. **

**On with the Brofeels and angst/whump;-)**

Not really a great cook Will ordered takeout for them, trying to tempt Jay into eating something. Pizza was too greasy and heavy so ordered from an Asian fusion place, getting lots of rice and mild sauce, hoping Jay would at least try some of it.

The medication had helped it seemed as Jay was perking up as it grew dark outside, his color better, he even had to be told to put his phone away as Will tried to limit his screen time.

Will had put in a request for Jay's medical records from the VA earlier in the day, making Ethan Jay's treating physician and so that the request came from him, Jay has consented, and they'd put a rush on it Ethan stating that previous injuries influenced treatment options in the further care of his patient.

They had received a copy pretty soon after, but Will hadn't been able to dive into it yet. He dreaded reading them even if he needed to; he wanted to know what Jay had been through, what his nightmares were about. He also wondered what aftereffects his brother suffered from physically even if he seemed pretty healthy on a daily basis. He didn't look like he suffered from any aftereffect of any injury.

"Jay….come on…go to bed…" Will shook Jay's shoulder, trying to wake him from his slumber on the couch, he needed to get some quality sleep in his bed. It was coming up on 11 p.m and Jay had faded after eating some dinner and dozed for an hour.

"Ugh…I can sleep here, you can have the bed," Jay didn't bother to open his eyes, obviously not ready to move from where he was resting with his head on the armrest. Bandage on the back of his head visible, as he was on his side facing the back of the couch.

"Nope, not an option, come on Jay," Will stood beside his brother waiting for him to make a move.

Jay turned over looking at Will with annoyance, he really was okay on the couch, he was comfortable where he was, moving meant dizziness and with that the headache and nausea followed.

When Will just stood there, Jay lost the battle, knowing Will was going to nag him until he got what he wanted.

He was moving slow, every motion deliberate and calculated, not wanting to exacerbate any pain or dizziness. Will held on to his arm, as he made his way to the bathroom, getting ready for bed would be torture with the glaring lights in there.

Will left Jay to himself, they were brothers, and Jay needed his privacy and space away from his brother.

When his brother took his time, Will worried, he hadn't heard any movement, and yes he was standing by the door, just a precaution as Jay had seemed pretty dizzy.

"Jay? You okay?" Will knocked, his ear to the door.

He couldn't hear Jay moving, making him think something had happened even if he'd stood by the door listening every move. There had been no indication of him falling or having any problems.

"Answer me….Jay?" Will felt his heart speed up, "hey, Jay…I'm coming in," Will tried the door, finding it open, he peeked in to find Jay sitting on the closed toilet lid, head in his hands.

"Hey…what's going on? Jay…talk to me…"

"I got sick, just trying not to puke," Jay didn't look up, keeping perfectly still, his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, taking deep breaths.

"Oh…I'm sorry. Should have given you one of the pills before you moved…I might have something injectable in my medical bag...let me go see," Will left even if he could hear Jay protest.

"I don't want it Will," Jay said, as Will returned with an ampule of Phenergan, something used for allergies, sleep and nausea, and Jay had gotten a decent night's sleep the night before, with the help of the drug.

"But you did really well on it last night, no nightmares, you slept like a baby," Will said, as he grabbed what he needed to give his brother the injection.

"Ugh, no don't want any," Jay was adamant, refusing.

Will stopped preparing the drug, looking at Jay, he knew he'd lost this fight, and if Jay wanted to suffer he couldn't stop him right now, maybe later on he'd be able to convince him.

"Okay, let's move then, you can't sit here all night," Will tried to leave any irritation out of his voice at his brother's stubborn refusal.

"Yeah, just give me a minute Will, please, I'm just too dizzy to move," Jay didn't look up, and Will could see that he had his eyes firmly closed against the room obviously spinning.

Will did give him a full minute, but then his patience ran out, he wanted Jay to lie down. He put a hand on Jay's back feeling the perspiration though his t-shirt.

"Come on, let's go," Coaxing Jay to move he grabbed on to Jay's bicep pulling him up looking into his brothers open eyes to gauge him and see how he was doing.

Jay was swaying as he stood up trying to lock his knees to keep standing. Will understood about two seconds later what was about to happen. Jay's eyes got a distant look in them, starting to roll back, he was losing consciousness. His chalk white complexion hinting him of Jay's blood pressure bottoming out. Knees buckling, Will had to grab Jay both arms circling him in an awkward hug as he slowed his decent down on the floor.

He cursed his brother's muscles at that point, straining his back, trying to arrange Jay on his side to make sure his airway was clear. Checking his breathing and then pulse Will was reassured that Jay would come around shortly; it was just the concussion and nausea making his pressure drop when he stood up.

"Ugh…" Jay started to move, trying to roll over on his back as his eyes were opening, just slits against the light in the bathroom.

"You're okay…just stay there for a while Jay…" Will stopped Jay from moving sitting behind his back, one hand on Jay's forehead, the other holding him still.

"What?" Jay asked, looking confused when he realized he was lying down on the floor.

"You passed out…No no no, don't move, you need to stay down Jay," Will said as Jay started to move and out his arms under himself to get up from the floor.

"Why…what's going on?" The disorientation worried Will, sure Jay was concussed and had just lost consciousness for a minute but Will had a hard time keeping objective when it came to assessing his brother's condition.

"You have a concussion, hit your head in the car crash yesterday, just now you passed out as you stood up, you're okay but stay still, I don't want you to move just yet."

"Oh…ugh, feel like shit?" Jay said as he relaxed back on the floor on his side. Will found a towel to put under his brothers head, then left him for a minute to grab his phone and get his medical bag.

He sent a text to Ethan asking if he would stop by to check on Jay, not really explaining why, but he knew Ethan would understand and stop by if he could.

Checking Jay's pupil reaction, relived it was equal and normal, Will proceeded to listen to his heart and lungs, before he got the blood pressure cuff around Jay's upper arm to check if it was coming back up so he'd be able to move him off the floor.

Jay was still a bit clammy but his skin was drying up, he complied when Will asked him to sit up against the wall, after the first reading of his blood pressure was above 100 mmHg systolic. Will helped him, watchful of him getting dizzy or beginning to lose consciousness again.

"You doing alright?" He asked as Jay swallowed several times, closing his eyes again.

"Uh...yeah, just feel sick…head hurts." Jay was leaning his head against the wall, flinching when the bandage at the back of his head made contact.

Will heard his phone ping, looking at it he was relieved when it was Ethan letting him know he'd be there in fifteen minutes as he was in the neighborhood already.

"So hear me out Jay, Ethan is coming over," Jay was starting to protest, "no no, listen to me…he'll just stop by and check on you, I'm worried about you so I need someone to check you out that's not me…Okay?"

Will could see Jay wanted to be left alone but that was not an option.

"Okay…but can I get up from the bathroom floor?" Jay looked up at Will now standing above him, answering Ethan's text.

"Are you sure? Let me get another pressure reading first, I'd like to not have a repeat performance," Will smiled at Jay, trying to make him relax.

Blood pressure was still on the low side, so Will made Jay wait a few more minutes, he tried to get him to drink some water, but Jay refused not wanting to throw up knowing the headache would spike, and make everything worse.

After another few minutes of rest Will couldn't keep Jay sitting on the floor any longer, his brother started to get up, so Will just tried his best to help him get on his feet and move. He checked on how Jay was doing several times as they made their way to his bedroom.

Will deposited Jay on the bed, his brother again looking like he was about to puke curled up on his side, his back to Will.

"Jay, let me give you something to help you feel better? I know you hate the drowsiness and you're afraid you have nightmares but you do need some relief,"

"No, please, I'll sleep, I promise," Jay was pleading in a way Will found disturbing, what the hell was going on with Jay?

"Okay, just lie down, relax I won't do anything against your will, I promise," Will sat beside Jay's hip on the bed, stroking Jay's back in a rare physical show of affection

tbc?


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the feedback, hopefully you'll like what my brain/muse came up with. It's still not finished I'm afraid. **

**Okay, on with the show/brofeels**

Jay could hear Ethan and Will talking in his living room. The doorbell had rung just as Jay had managed to get his stomach to calm down. Will had left to open the door and now he could hear them talk but he couldn't hear what they were saying.

He knew they were discussing him, and all Jay wanted was to be left alone. To not be watched, or poked or prodded or made to answer questions. Jay was using all his energy to keep his head straight, and stop any unwanted memories or nightmares to resurface. He was starting to get pissed off by his brother and Ethan; he needed to be left alone, if they could just leave him alone.

The talking stopped, Jay could hear them moving closer, entering his bedroom. Ethan rounded the bed to the side where Jay was facing.

"Jay? Hey, how are you doing?" Ethan crouched down to eye level with Jay, his hands on the bed to steady himself.

"I'm okay," he didn't have the energy to add anything. He really wanted to be left alone, maybe try to sleep.

"Yeah? Will told me what happened…passing out in the bathroom…is it okay if I check you over?" Ethan rose from squatted position; his medical bag was in his hand and he put it down on the side of the bed.

Jay likes Ethan, he's a great guy, and they've met up sometimes at Molly's for a drink along with Mouse. They've swapped stories, Ethan knows some of what Jay's been struggling with, even if he hasn't told him anything in so many words.

"Ugh...come on, I'm fine, I got dizzy my head was killing me, but its better now," Jay tried to wield his way from Ethan's scrutiny.

"Jay, come on, let him take a look at you, do it for me, I'm not exactly objective when it comes to you, and so I'm worried."

The frankness of what his brother said med Jay feel bad for refusing help. But he just needed them to stop messing with his head, it was bad enough lately without the concussion.

"Okay, I'm sorry…"

"Hey, it's okay, I'll step out so you can get some privacy," Will said, his hand again on Jay's back, probably trying to convey some sort of comfort.

Ethan looked at Will nodding his head as he proceeded to get out his penlight to start examining Jay. Will closed the door leaving them alone like he'd promised.

Asking questions as he put Jay through the motions of the neurologic examination, his questions and small talk put Jay at ease at first. When he was done Ethan sat down on the bed where Will had been, Jay on his back covering his eyes with his arm as he could tell Ethan was going to poke the demons.

"So, Will said you're refusing anything to help you sleep or painmeds, I know you don't like the way they make you feel, but there's more to it and we both know it."

Jay was still hiding behind the arm, not ready to get into it. His head hurt and with the exam Ethan had put him through he was feeling pretty sick to his stomach again.

"Yeah, I just can't…I get stuck there…you know?" Jay hoped that was enough, that Ethan would understand and back off.

"I know, and I got your medical files so I know what happened to you. What you went through."

Jay felt exposed, he'd told them to get his records but he had hoped that the VA would be as ineffective and bureaucratic as its reputation.

"Can we not do this Ethan? Please, I don't want to talk about it." Jay knew he was begging and he hoped it would work because if Ethan wouldn't let up on this Jay would probably end up throwing up on him.

"You don't have to tell me anything Jay, but maybe you should get help getting this back under control."

Jay didn't know what to say, he'd been through hell and he really didn't want to relive any of it. He'd managed to keep it together mostly after he'd recovered from his injuries when he'd returned. Therapy terrified him, he didn't want to remember any of it, and talking about it would mean reliving it.

"You don't have to make any decisions right now. You're still suffering from the effects of the concussion; it's going to take a while to shake this. Obviously it wears on your defenses, you'll get triggered more easily, flashbacks are more vivid, it takes longer to get out of a disassociated state."

Ethan's hand grabbed Jay's arm, startling him, he pulled it from his face, wanting to look him in the eye.

Jay felt vulnerable, exposed and raw.

"Let me help you out so you can get a good night sleep, it's the same drug you got at the hospital. You tolerated it well."

Jay felt his heart speed up; he really hated taking anything after he'd been drugged up after he was injured. He associated the feeling with the trauma he'd been through, that much he'd figured out. Flashes of screams, chaos and pain would well up, and he felt like he was back there. He didn't remember much of the extraction and the treatment he'd gotten at the field hospital but he did have some memories of being held down, of not being able to breath, the pain.

"Whoa, Jay…talk to me…" Ethan was still holding on to his arm, he could feel his grip tightening. Jay realized he'd been slipping back there again, and that Ethan had tried to get his attention for a while already.

"Jay? Open your eyes and look at me…" Jay hadn't noticed that his eyes were closed until Ethan said it. The pain in his chest was making it hard to breathe.

"That's it; now take a deep breath, slow down…You're in your bed, in Chicago."

Jay knew what Ethan was doing. It was the same thing Jay tried to do when he woke up from a nightmare and his brain was making him think he was back there. To take in his surroundings, and see that it wasn't real.

"I'm alright," Jay tried to convince himself and Ethan, as he tried getting the panicked feeling under control.

Jay put his hand on his chest trying to will away the pain; it wasn't real, just his brain playing tricks on him.

"You with me Jay?" Ethan was still holding on to Jay's arm, grounding him.

"Yeah, I'm here, just…uh…shit…" He hated this; it felt like he was losing his mind.

"Hey, it's alright, just a flashback…this is what I'm talking about, you need help getting this under control. But right now you need some rest Jay."

"Okay, just no heavy drugs, I'll take a pill or whatever…"

"Alright, but it's going to be three pills, one for pain, the other two to help settle your stomach and some sleep," Ethan was getting up to go get the drugs and some water.

Jay didn't know if he'd be able to keep anything down with how nauseated he was feeling but he'd try, better then being dosed with a needle. It made his skin crawl, an intrusive memory of being poked and prodded popping up in his mind made him shiver.

"You cold?" Ethan was back, startling Jay out of his thoughts. It was disconcerting how Jay kept losing time, zoning out.

"Nah, just…tired, not sure I'll keep those pills down by the way," Jay tried to smile at Ethan, but he wasn't sure if he could make his face do it. He could see Will behind him hovering by the door.

"Sit up for me," Ethan grabbing his arm, pulling Jay up to sit on the side of the bed. He put out his hand with the pills in it as he got a glass of water from the table by the bed with the other.

Eying the pills warily Jay decided to just get it over with. He put the pills one by one in his mouth, grabbed the glass presented to him and managed to get the pills down with only one swallow of water.

"No no, the whole glass, you need it," Ethan stopped Jay from putting the glass down on the table. Jay downed the rest of the water, even if he could feel his stomach was about to protest.

Jay wanted to sleep, he was so tired, his head was killing him, pounding with every beat of his heart. Wanting to lie down, he started to tilt over on his side, aiming for his pillow, but Ethan stopped him.

"No, just sit for a while. Let the pills and water sink a bit before you lie down," Ethan explained as he held on to Jay's shoulders, keeping him in place.

"Just in case you get sick, I know you're tired Jay, I'll let you sleep soon okay," Ethan was trying to make eye contact, but Jay had his eyes closed, he was concentrating on not throwing up.

"Ugh, just… please just leave me alone," Jay knew he was begging but he was feeling miserable, and if he was going to throw up, he didn't care, he just wanted to lay down and rest for a minute.

"Okay…okay, sure you're not going to barf?" Jay opened his eyes and found Ethan looking at him with a clinical expression, probably gauging the likelihood of the pills staying down and work to give Jay some relief.

"No, I'm not sure…" Jay felt hands help him into bed again, Will was there, lifting his legs while Ethan guided Jay over on his side.

Will was suddenly there, squatting beside the bed, a cool hand on Jay's forehead.

"Deep breath, just relax…." Will was talking to him, but Jay was too tired to make any sense of anything.

"What did he give me?" Jay felt fuzzy, detached somehow, like Will was far away but he was right there bedside him.

"Don't worry about it, you're safe, I'll stay with you. Wake you if any nightmares appear," Will said, as he pulled the blanket up to cover Jay's shoulders.

"Uh…okay….jus...be careful….might…hit." Jay was fighting the drug Ethan had made him swallow. A fast acting, mild sedative, that would put Jay to sleep in the state of exhaustion he was in now.

Will knew Jay could wake up violently he'd experienced it once before, trying to wake him up.

Will watched as Jay lost the fight with the drugs. He was relived his brother had kept the pills down. Ethan had volunteered to trick Jay, they'd discussed the ethics, but decided that Jay couldn't make the best decisions in his state.

"He's out," Will said as he got up, looking at Ethan behind him. He felt drained, looking back at Jay, sleeping soundly, not restless but resting comfortably, Will sighed. Turning he waved at Ethan to follow him into the living room, keeping the door ajar, to keep watch like he'd promised.

"Yeah, he's still pretty concussed, it's going to take a while for him to recover, with his PTSD acting up as well…I don't know." Ethan bowed his head looking down at the floor.

"Did you get his medical records from the VA?" Will needed to know what was in them, but he dreaded it, it would make it real.

"Yeah, I just skimmed through it, didn't read the whole thing, he was in a real bad way Will. Are you sure you want to know?" Ethan was looking at Will with a solemn expression on his face.

"No, I'm not sure, but I think I owe him to find out. I wasn't there to help then, but I'm here now so I need to know what he's been through."

Ethan got the paper file out of his bag, handing it to Will. It felt heavy in his hands, and he dreaded opening it. Looking over to where his brother was sleeping, he could just make out the shape of him under the covers. That was his brother, a brother that had been though some kind of hell that still affected him, and that Will didn't know anything about.

Sitting down on the couch so he could watch the door to Jay's bedroom, he opened to file to the first page.

**tbc**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for the comments and feedback. I'm sorry this is so short but I haven't had the time to write this week and I wanted to give you at least something. **

**On with the brofeels:-D**

The first page was just harmless information, Jay's height and weight, his contact information, his next of kin. Will wanted to know but at the same time he didn't want to face what Jay had been through. It would make it real; it would make him feel even more guilty for not being there for Jay when he came home.

The records were extensive, Jay's file thick as a book. Will was surprised but on the other hand he didn't know what he had expected. He filed through it, looking for what had happened in Afghanistan, the injuries he knew Jay had sustained in an IED attack on the Humvee he'd been travelling in. Ethan had told him that much, but the information had come from Mouse, not Jay.

He found reports from a psychiatrist, describing Jay as resilient but in need of counseling, that he was suffering from intrusive memories, nightmares and sometimes flashbacks. Will felt tears form in his eyes reading about Jay's struggles.

Moving on he found information from when Jay had been moved from Kabul to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. It was difficult to read about his injuries, Jay had been in critical condition because of lung contusions sustained in the explosion. Pneumohemothorax, bilateral chest tubes, fractures of several ribs.

Jay had been kept sedated and on a ventilator for two weeks. Trying to wean him off difficult, as he'd wake up in a panicked state when he woke up still intubated. Finally, they had decided to do a tracheostomy to lift the sedation and wean him off respiratory support.

There had also been worry about a head injury, there was a small bleed, a subdural hematoma, but it had resolved on its own, not big enough to necessitate surgery.

No wonder Jay's concussion was affecting him this badly Will thought, looking up from the file to check on Jay, who looked like he was still resting comfortably.

Reading on, Will was horrified by the trauma his brother had been through. He knew what was behind every description of injury, procedure and the medications administered.

Jay had been drugged up to his gills with opiates, sedatives, even antipsychotics because he'd been delirious at times. Jay had been through hell and coming back had been a different kind of torture. No wonder he hated taking any medication, it probably reminded him of being stuck in that horrible place he'd been in at that time.

Once his lungs had started to heal Jay seemed to have bounced back quickly, young and healthy before being injured had been a great help in his physical recovery.

There wasn't much about the rehabilitation phase, but there was a note about recurring nightmares in his file after coming back to Chicago. He'd been advised to get counseling, but it seemed like he'd been lost to follow up at some point just a few months after coming back home.

At the same time Jay had been though all this Will had been busy with med school and distancing himself from his family. It hurt to think about how oblivious Will had been, but no one had told him. Their father hadn't shared much information about what was going on with Jay, and Will hadn't really asked.

Jay had been medically discharged from the army. What happened after that Will didn't know for sure, but Mouse had been there picking up the pieces, gluing Jay back together. But the cracks were still there, barely visible to those who didn't know Jay. Will was worried the glue was about to fail, that Jay was breaking in front of him, and he didn't know how to help him.

Will put the file down, there was more to read from when Jay was still in Afghanistan, the details of his treatment before being airlifted to Germany, but he couldn't stomach reading more tonight.

Getting up he walked over to the bedroom door, peeking in he could see Jay's sleeping form, covered by blankets, safe. When Jay moved, his head turning, Will entered the room, ready to wake Jay up if he looked like he was having bad dreams.

Coming up by the side of the bed Jay seemed to have calmed down again, his expression peaceful body relaxed. The bandage at the back of his head stark white against his dark hair.

Will sat down on the side of the bed. The mattress dipping disturbed Jay a bit, his eyelids fluttering, a frown on his face, but the drugs Ethan had made him take was keeping him under.

"Shhh, you're okay…" Will whispered, his hand hovering above his brother's shoulder, wanting to have a connection with him, afraid he'd wake Jay up from his much-needed slumber, he didn't touch him. Jay's hypervigilance would make him fight the pull of the drugs in a heartbeat if Will made the wrong move.

Jay's legs moved under the blankets. He was growing restless. Will blew caution to the wind, he reached for Jay, stroking his back. His brother stilled under his hand, while Will held his breath, afraid he'd made the wrong move.

"Go back to sleep Jay, everything's fine," Will whispered, not sure Jay was even listening.

To Will's relief Jay quieted down, his breaths slowing, his body relaxed in sleep again. Blowing out a breath he'd been holding, Will kept his hand on Jay's back, feeling his breaths even out, his ribcage moving under his hand.

He kept sitting by his brother's side, watchful of new nightmares.

When Jay woke up later that night, he could feel someone behind him. He felt groggy, he was pretty sure Choi had dosed him with a sedative to make him relax. Turning his head, he found Will's sleeping form, a slight snore coming from his open mouth. His brother had his feet on the floor but had tipped over, so he was lying down on his back. Will's hand was on Jay's side, warm and present, reminding Jay of where he was. Still feeling drowsy Jay closed his eyes again, sleep claiming him fast.

They slept though the night, Will only waking once when Jay grew restless, but there were no nightmares disturbing either of them that night.

**tbc**


	10. Chapter 10

**So I finally got some time to write. Thanks for the comments and feedback on the last chapter. **

**Okay, angst head! Read with self care!**

Will woke up first. His back hurting from lying down on his back with his feet still on the floor. Easing himself up from the bed without disturbing Jay he went to the bathroom to freshen up before starting in on breakfast. Hoping Jay was feeling better Will was hoping to get him to eat something.

Having read some of Jay's medical history last night he knew the concussion was going to take more then a week to shake. The overnight stay at the hospital, along with the accident had probably brought up bad memories, and Jay had already been struggling before that happened. Remembering how Jay had a dissociative episode in the bathroom the night before the accident, Will knew he needed help from Dr Charles with Jay. Will knew emergency medicine, but his brother's PTSD was something he needed help dealing with.

Puttering around in the small kitchen, making coffee and toast, Will didn't notice Jay until he turned around and was startled by him standing in the doorway.

Jay was pale, but he looked better then last night, eyes clearer, more like himself, not dazed like last night when he seemed unsure of where and when.

"Hey, how you feel?" Will asked, putting jam on to pieces of toast he was planning to force Jay to eat.

"I'm alright…" Jay looked down at his feet, leaning against the doorjamb, like he needed the support.

"Headache?" Will stopped what he was doing and looked at Jay, trying to see if he was being truthful.

"Better, a little dizzy still but I'm okay," Jay looked up, meeting Will's eyes.

"Good, that's good. I've made you toast, what would you like to drink, you need some more fluids in you." Will knew it was a professional observation, but he couldn't help it, he had trouble keeping the doctor in him away from assessing Jay.

"Uh…I'm not really hungry Will." Jay said as he turned to leave, obviously not wanting anything to eat or drink just yet.

Will put some milk in a glass and brought the plate of toast with him, as he followed Jay into the living room.

"Still feel sick?" Will put the plate and glass down on the table in front of Jay, still wanting him to eat something.

"Nah, just tired, Ethan gave me something, I still feel off, foggy." Jay leaned back against the back of the couch, rubbing his eyes with his hands, like he could rub the feeling away.

"I know, but you needed it Jay, I know you didn't want it, I'm sorry," Will had been afraid to do it himself. Afraid Jay would lose what little trust they had built since Will returned home.

Jay didn't answer, keeping his eyes closed, shutting Will out.

"Come on Jay, at least drink the milk, it's almond, the kind that you like," Will had no idea why anyone would prefer almond milk to the regular kind but if that was what Jay wanted, he would get it.

Jay turned to look at Will, smiling slightly, the first smile Will had seen on his brother's face in a while.

"Come on, have some," Will got the glass and handed it to Jay, serious about him needing fluids.

Jay took the glass from Will, tasting it, but putting the milk back on the table almost immediately. Will took the plate with toast from the table and put it on Jay's lap, a clear sign to Jay that Will wanted him to eat.

"Stop pushing Will." Jay said, voice tired, he was starting to push back against Will.

"You need it Jay. I know you still feel nauseated, it's the concussion. Some food might make you feel a bit better." Will tried to not push too hard, but it was difficult not to sound patronizing or like he was scolding him. Jay was fighting for control, when everything else seemed chaotic, this was something he was able to decide for himself.

Jay just looked at the plate in his lap, sullen, not wanting to eat anything he wasn't about to listen to his brother.

Looking about the room he noticed the large file sitting on the side table. Will had meant to put it away before Jay got up, but he'd been too late. Jay had approved of them getting it, but he hadn't really approved of Will reading any of it. It had been a violation of Jay's privacy, so Will had planned to ask him formally later on, when Jay was less vulnerable.

Will worried as Jay didn't say anything, afraid his brother would explode in anger or tell him to leave.

Jay leaned forward and put the plate of food back on the table, pushing it away as far as it would go. Leaning back again he seemed to deflate, pushing air out of his lungs, covering his face with his hands. His body language was screaming to leave him alone, to not touch him.

"That my file?" Jay asked behind the hands, voice slightly muffled. It was as if he was hiding from the truth.

Will waited a second, pushing for more time before Jay would explode on him. "Yes, that's yours," Will looked at Jay with slight trepidation.

Jay was quiet, afraid to ask Will if he'd read it, because it would break his defenses, his wall of denial would crack and fall.

"You read it?" Jay asked finally, his hands dropping down into his lap revealing his face. Eyes still closed, shutting Will out.

"Some," Will said, still waiting for a reaction from Jay. When one didn't come, he tried "I didn't know Jay…I didn't know, and I'm sorry," Will shifted his position, so that he was facing Jay, needing to convey how sorry he was for not being there to help him, but he didn't know how to express it.

"Yeah…I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about that time," Jay pulled away, standing up, swaying on his feet, making Will stand up to steady him. As soon as Will touched Jay he flinched away. "Don't," Jay said, as he found his balance, and walked away from Will to his bedroom, closing the door, he needed space.

Will sat back down; he was going to give Jay some time to get himself back together, before he trying to speak to him again.

Jay laid down on the bed, his head was starting to pound, he felt like an open wound, Will knowing made him feel exposed, too vulnerable. Him knowing, made Jay defenseless. He felt tears in his eyes, and a lump forming in his throat. Jay didn't want to cry but there were feelings welling up inside him that he couldn't push down. It started with a flash of something he thought he'd pushed so far away that it would never appear again.

The feeling in his chest of not being able to get in any air, like there was a weight on his chest, restricting him, he wasn't able to take a deep breath. Before he knew it he was back there, in that hell hole of a place, where his friends died.

_"__Jay? Halsteead? You with me?" The pain was all-consuming, the weight on his chest making it impossible to breathe, Jay gasped with each breath, the panic of not getting air making him claw at his vest. _

_"__Jay? Jay? Relax! Try to relax for me," Jay looked around the room, he could see he was at the base, the tent roof of the field hospital something he recognized. The doctor above his head looked down at him, holding Jay's head between his hands. There was a mask over his nose and mouth, it smelled like rubber. _

_"__We have a line in? Get him some ketamine, he needs that chest tube right now."_

_Jay didn't understand what was going on, he kept pulling at his vest and shirt, needing to get more air, his vest felt restrictive. _

_Someone helped, they stripped him of the vest, his clothes were cut. He felt the sting of a needle in his arm, pulling the arm away but a strong hand stopped him. _

_His left arm was raised and placed above his head, another hand holding on to it. Unable to move or get air, anxiety like he'd never felt before spiked. He tried trashing away from the hands, but he was held tight. His energy fading making it hard to resist the people holding him down, he felt like he was fighting for his life. _

_Something cold was put on his chest, he felt the fluid running down his side. Then another needle stabbing him, hitting his rib, it hurt, but the pain in his chest was so overwhelming he felt like he was being crushed, it drowned out what they were doing to him. _

_"__Where's that ketamine? Give him 100 mg iv slow, 50 mikgrograms Fentanyl and 2 mg of Ativan as well. He needs some relief here."_

_Jay looked up at the man above him, begging him to help him but he couldn't get a word out, there was no air to push out to form any sound. _

_"__I'm with you Halstead, we're going to help you, you have a collapsed lung, we're putting it a tube to re-expand it." _

_Jay felt someone push against the left side of his chest, but he was starting to slip, he felt like he was drowning, he couldn't breathe, the world was disappearing or maybe he was? _

_"__Jay? We're giving you some medicine to make you sleep, you're okay, just relax." Jay thought it was ridiculous to ask him to relax when he was unable to breathe._

_"__Let's get ready to intubate as soon as that chest tube is in, we need to secure an airway."_

_Jay was starting to slip backwards, darkness swallowing him, the pain fading._

Will heard whimpers coming from the bedroom, just a short while after Jay had barricaded himself in there. He wanted to give Jay time to lick his wounds, but as he listened by the door, he was pretty sure Jay was having another nightmare.

Opening the door, he could see Jay on the bed. His feet tangled in the blankets, his breathing labored, and he was whimpering every few seconds, his hands clawing at his chest.

Entering the room Will was shocked to find Jay's eyes open, looking up at nothing, unfocused. It was then Will realized Jay wasn't sleeping, he was having a flashback. He'd been triggered byt something, and now he was reliving something from his past, it looked like he was being tortured.

"Jay…JAY, come back, you're not there Jay," Will wanted to touch him, but he didn't dare yet. Jay was thrashing, his hands still clawing at his t-shirt, his breaths coming in quick short gasps, like he couldn't get enough air.

"Jay…" Will knew he had to be careful, so he gripped Jays right ankle, to try and get him grounded back in reality.

"Jay, listen to me, you're alright, It's me Will, you're in your apartment, in Chicago." Jay's leg twitched under Will's hand, but he didn't kick him away.

"Hey, Jay, look at me," Will inced closer, still holding on to Jay's ankle, keeping some distance in case Jay came back fighting for his life.

Jay looked like he was coming out of it after a minute. His breathing changed; his hands stopped moving. Will kept talking to him, reminding Jay of where he was and that he was safe. Will noticed Jay's eyes were on him, and he seemed like he was back with him.

"Hey, you back with me? "Will said, letting go of Jay's ankle, moving closer, sitting down beside Jay's hip.

Jay put his right arm up to cover his face, like he wanted to shut Will out.

"Talk to me Jay, are you back with me? " Will needed to hear Jay say it. So he kept pushing him to talk.

"Yeah, I'm…uh, I'm back," Jay's voice was thick, and it didn't take long before Jay turned his back to Will, his shoulders shaking. Will was surprised when he realized Jay was crying. Sobs escaping him even if he was trying to hold them back.

Will didn't know what to do or say, he put his hand on Jay's shoulder trying to let him know he wasn't alone.

He didn't know how long he sat there, beside his brother, trying to comfort him, but after a while Jay stopped crying, his body relaxing. Will kept talking to him, trying to comfort him with nonsense reassurances that he was going to be fine, and that Will was there, and he would get thought this.

After a while Will realized Jay had fallen asleep, exhausted from the concussion, the flashback and from fighting to keep it together for as long as he had.

Will vowed to never let Jay down again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for the feedback and comments. Hope you've enjoyed reading. **

**On with the bro-show:-)**

Jay was embarrassed. Sure, he'd cried in front of Will before, but he hadn't ever broken down like this in front of his brother. Will had never been privy to this; Mouse was the only one. The fact that Will had witnessed a flashback, in all its hellish glory, was something Jay had wanted to avoid at all cost. He needed to keep his front, even to Will.

Still fighting for control Jay did his best to hide from Will's scrutiny. He'd stopped crying, able to put his feelings and anxiety back in the box deep down where they belonged. He was still feeling shaky, the memories still simmering under the surface where it threatened to break though if triggered.

"Jay? How're you doing?" Will's voice was low, he probably knew Jay was awake, but didn't want to spook him.

Jay's head was hurting, crying had exacerbated the aching. "I'm okay…sorry you had to see that one."

"Don't Jay, don't shut me out," Will said with a slight snap in his voice. "I know you hate that I know this is going on, but please don't apologize."

Jay didn't know how to do this. First, he didn't want to do this, to be this broke version of himself. And second, he didn't really know how letting anyone into this hellish place would help him.

"Sorry…Will, I just, I've dealt with this before, and talking about what happened doesn't really help, it makes it harder."

Will was quiet, obviously weighing his words before speaking. His hand grabbed Jay's shoulder, turning Jay over on his back to look at him.

"Talking about it probably triggers the flashbacks and nightmares, mostly because your brain hasn't learned to remember it without reliving it." Will said, his hand still on Jay's shoulder, keeping the connection.

Jay hadn't thought about it that way before.

"I do have a medical degree Jay. I practice emergency medicine but I do know the basics in more than my own specialty. Don't look so surprised." Will's eyebrows rose, a smile on his lips.

"So how do I not relive it then?" Jay wasn't sure how he would ever get where he wouldn't relive it. Just thinking about Afghanistan made his olfactory system conjure up the smell of the place. Thinking about waking up at the base, not able to breathe, the crushing pain was back in his chest.

"You get help, it's called therapy Jay," Will said, his hand squeezing Jay's shoulder harder, "You get therapy, I can get dr. Charles to see you, he's good."

Hearing the word therapy made Jay's skin crawl, just thinking about spilling his guts to someone made him scared of what would happen if he tried.

"Come on Jay, stop thinking, just say yes." Will stood up, put his hand out to help Jay sit up.

"Ah…okay…just give me some time," Jay still felt too raw and exposed to even try talking to anyone.

"Sure, I'll just let him know what's going on, and when this concussion stops kicking your butt, he'll see you."

Will looked happy, relieved, as he pulled jay up from the bed. Steadying him, making sure he had his footing before he released his hold on his arm.

"Come on, stop thinking, you need some food." Will pushed Jay along, hand around his back, steering him into the living room.

Will made them sandwiches, making sure Jay had some Advil for his headache and the antiemetic before serving him. Jay seemed to perk up a bit, making Will think he'd tuned a corner and was on the mend.

Jay was quieter than normal, but he did hassle Will about watching TV, stating he was bored out of his mind. Will had to snatch the phone away from his brother several times, as he caught him checking his messages and texting.

Will made Jay stay on the couch, making sure he took it easy the rest of the day. He kept vigil as Jay dozed, ready to stop any dreams from appearing.

When the sun set, Jay was growing restless, even if he didn't seem to have the energy to do anything but stay on the couch, he got up to wander the apartment.

Will let him wander around for a while, giving Jay space, knowing that he was growing restless for a reason. Nightfall was probably pretty scary when your worst nightmares were brewing, nightmares based on real events, so real he thought he was back there.

When he could see that Jay had exhausted himself so much that he was swaying on his feet, steadying himself with a hand against the wall or nearby furniture, he intervened.

"Come on Jay, sit down before you fall over." Will had been sitting quietly, pretending not to be worried or following his brother's every move.

When Jay stopped moving, his hand on the wall to keep himself upright. Looking up at Will their eyes met, Jay's telegraphing his feeling as they always did. Fear, Will thought, Jay was scared. His restlessness a symptom of anxiety.

"You need rest Jay, and sleep, it'll only get worse if you don't."

Jay didn't answer, turning to rest his back against the wall, it seemed like it was the only thing keeping him upright. Hands pushing through his hair he put his head back against the wall looking up at the ceiling.

"I just want it to stop Will," the desperation I Jay's voice tore at Will's heart.

"I know…" Will got up, walking over to Jay, just as his brother's legs seemed to give out from under him, making him slide down to sit down with is back against the wall.

Will crouched down in front of Jay, seeing the desperation in Jay's body language, he rested both hands on Jay's shoulders.

"I'm just so tired," Jay's voice broke at the last word, his eyes shining with emotion.

"Yeah, I know Jay, you need rest, fighting it won't make it any better."

Jay's eyes seemed to close of their own volition, his bandaged head resting back against the wall again. Letting out a breath he'd been holding he seemed to deflate in front of Will.

When his brother didn't look like he was going to move Will stood up, holding his hands out for Jay to grab hold of.

"Come on, go to bed, you can't stop sleeping Jay, it'll only make it worse."

It took a moment before Jay reacted, opening his eyes, seeing Will's hands he finally grabbed them and let Will pull him up.

Jay shuffled to the bathroom, closing the door, as Will started to clean up in the living room, preparing for another night on the couch keeping vigil over his brother.

CPDCPDCPDCPDCPDCPD

Jay kept tossing and turning, Will had given Jay some more Advil before he'd turned in. He'd offered Will the bed as Jay had rather stay awake then wait for the nightmares to begin. Tired but afraid of what he'd see when he closed his eyes, he was fighting the exhaustion but he knew he'd loose the battle in the end.

Finally, his eyes closed, sleep dragging his mind under, his defense gone.

_Waking up was hard. Feeling returned first, the scratchy sheets under him, the pulling in his side, not painful but a sore and dull throbbing. Jay wanted to move but the lethargy made it difficult to mobilize the strength to do so and that scared him. _

_Taking stock of his situation Jay could feel hands, touching him, but he kept losing focus, drifting off for a while, then returning to the hands, now joined by voices. _

_He felt like he was coming back from somewhere, like his mind and body was waking up from a deep sleep, but he was still dipping in and out of hibernation, and with each time he surfaced he was closer to breaking though the haze surrounding him. _

_When he did break the surface, it was abrupt. It was like his body suddenly decided he'd slept enough, and he was growing restless. _

_"__Jay…" a female voice above him, "he's coming around, let's get the doc in here for this."_

_He wanted to open his eyes, but eyelids were too heavy. There was a plastic tube in his mouth, he could feel it on his tongue, he tried to swallow but that only made him gag, realizing the tube was down his throat. He couldn't breathe, his brain was telling him the thing in his throat was obstructing his trachea. _

_"__Jay? Relax, you're okay, take a deep breath," the voice returned, but Jay had a hard time doing what he was told. _

_Move voices appeared, Jay was struggling, his gag reflex making it impossible to tolerate whatever was down his throat. Moving to grab at the offending object he noticed he couldn't move his arms more that a few inches before they were restrained. _

_Opening his eyes, adrenaline flowing, he looked up at a white ceiling, his vision blurry. He was on a bed; people were filing in around his bed. Voices, calling his name. Looking down at his hands he could see he was restrained, wrists circled, tied to the bedrails. _

_Turning his head made the gag reflex kick in again, the sensation was overwhelming, Jay couldn't help struggling to get loose and away from whatever was going on. _

_"__Jay! Stay calm, you're at the hospital, you were injured," hands were on him again. Holding on, pushing against his shoulders, legs, pinning him down. _

_"__This isn't working, let's sedate again, Propofol 40 mg, then 50 of fentanyl." _

_Jay kept fighting, arms and legs reawakened by fear. Hands were still restraining him. Tears were streaming down his face, he wanted to scream but he had no control over his voice. _

_"__Drugs on board…" _

_Jay felt himself start to slip…he was sliding backwards, into oblivion. _

He woke with a start, fighting with the blankets covering him. The dream had been so real, the memory waking up in the hospital in Germany still vivid. That time had been filled with surreal dreams and sensations. He knew he'd mixed reality with dreams, his brain conjuring up horrible scenarios of torture and pain. He hadn't understood that nurses and doctors were helping him.

Sitting up to catch his breath, Jay threw the blankets away. His skin was clammy, his head throbbing in tune with his heartbeat.

"You alright?" Will's voice came floating through the open door to the living room.

"I'm okay…" Jay answered knowing his voice probably betrayed him as he could keep the trembling away.

He could hear the rustling of fabric as Will was moving, light coming on, footsteps coming closer.

Will appeared as Jay put his feet on the floor. Pushing his fingers through his hair, breathing in though his mouth and out through his nose to try and slow everything down to normal.

"Bad dream?" Will was standing in the doorway when Jay looked up.

"Yeah…sorry I woke you…"

"Nah, it's fine, the door was open for a reason, you okay?" Will stayed by the door letting Jay have some distance and privacy. The tears staining his cheeks a testament to how much the dream affected him.

"Ah…yeah, I'm fine…or you know…not fine maybe but you know, I'm awake." Jay even tried to put a smile on his face to calm Will down.

"Think you can get back to sleep? Sick or dizzy or anything?" Will was studying his brother to tell if he was as fine as he claimed to be.

"I'm okay, not going to barf or anything," Jay smiled back at Will, "not sure about sleep though, wish I could watch some tv just to distract my brain."

Will thought about it for a moment, he'd kept Jay from watching tv ever since he'd brought him home from the hospital, he was depriving Jay from one of his coping mechanisms.

"Fine, I'll let you have the remote and the couch for half an hour," Will waved at Jay to follow him to the living room.

Jay got comfortable, hogging Will's blanket, positioned at the end of the couch. Will served him some apple juice and cookies to maybe get some calories in him as they watched the Discovery Channel, something about quantum mechanics that even Will had trouble following.

Will didn't know when, but Jay finally fell asleep. He turned to point out something about the Higgs Bosom when he found Jay had slid down, his head resting on a pillow. Deep in sleep he looked okay, the bandage only disturbing the picture. Deep slow breaths and features lax in sleep.

Will got up and tucked the blanket up so Jay wouldn't get cold. Hoping for a quiet night he snuck into Jay's bedroom to get some rest himself. He needed to gather his strength as well if he was going to be of any use to Jay.

Planning to contact Dr. Charles the next day, adamant about getting Jay help. His brother was not going to be doing this alone anymore, no matter what.

Will closed his eyes that night, certain that he finally was doing something good for his brother.

**AN: This is it for me! Hope you've enjoyed. **

**If anyone wants to prompt me you're welcome to leave a comment. **

**I can't promise anything, but if I'm inspired I might post something here on again. Hurt/comfort/whump is my flavor of fic, if you hadn't guessed that yet, and I do know my way around a hospital. **

**Thanks again for reading:-)**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Sorry, I thought I was done but I wasn't. Don't know if this is an epilogue or a continuation, but it's something;-)**

**Thanks to those of you who left comments and P.M'ed me, I really do appreciate it. Angst ahead! **

Jay was back at work after a week of recuperation. He was cleared for work by Ethan, with a warning that he was to report back to him if he got any problems with dizziness or headaches.

Will had been great about giving Jay space as he licked his wounds and got himself back under control. He hadn't nagged too much about Jay going back to work even if Jay knew he worried. Voight had put Jay on desk duty until further notice, as he'd told Jay he still looked like he was still feeling the effects of the accident. He'd consulted Ethan without telling Jay about it first, pissing Jay off, but he was within his rights doing it, making sure his detective was ready.

Desk duty was boring, but it was better than staying home, staying still and resting always got him in trouble.

Alvin and Ruzek had been back to work for a few days already, their bruises healing up fine. In the end Jay was the one hurt the most, even if no one had noticed at the scene.

The team wasn't back in full force as three of them was still not back to a hundred percent, but they were investigating a case. A harrowing case, a kid killed, parents under investigation.

The pictures on the board was uncomfortable for Jay to watch all day. When the rest of the team went out to work the case, Jay turned the board over, so he didn't have to see. Images of dead kids from another time would start to bubble to the surface, and he needed to clamp down on it. Not let it fester and get stuck in his awareness.

Jay wasn't even allowed to drive yet. He was scheduled for an MRI just to be sure, as Ethan had found some soft signs during his latest physical telling him that Jay wasn't back to normal yet.

**Two days earlier: **

_"__Come on Jay, it's just a checkup," Will was pushing Jay along the hallway, managing to bring his brother along to work to get Choi to have a look at him. _

_Jay had been better after five days of struggling with a headache and nausea, his PTSD not helping the matter at all. _

_"__I'm fine, I've had worse." Jay whined, knowing he'd said the wrong thing when Will stopped, holding on to Jay's arm, pulling on it, turning him around to look at him. _

_"__I know, I read the file, so this is me making sure you're okay, __**because**__ you've been through worse." Will's voice was low, not wanting anyone to hear their conversation. _

_Jay was better, but Will knew he was still having headaches, so he worried about it being not just the concussion. Jay had a subdural hematoma before, he could develop one again. So, he dragged Jay along to work, having asked Choi to have a look at him. _

_Jay looked down at his feet, nodding his head in understanding, but he didn't say anything. He was still wary of talking about his injuries and experiences, even if he knew Will had read about them. _

_"__Hey, Will, Jay! Over here," Ethan was waving at them from one of the exam rooms, a bit away from the center of the ED. _

_"__Hi, Choi, thanks for doing this," Will said as he walked over to his colleague, Jay following behind him, just nodding at Ethan as a greeting. _

_"__No worries, it's actually pretty quiet today." Choi put his hand on Jay's back, forcing him move into the room, as he was hesitating to enter. _

_"__So, Jay, how's it going," Ethan let the question hang in the air, opening up for Jay to start talking. _

_"__Come on Jay, answer him, and please be honest." Will said when Jay didn't answer right away. _

_The room was quiet, Choi motioning for Jay to hop up on the gurney, "Will, why don't you go do some paperwork while I look your brother over?" Ethan sensed Jay's reluctance to speak had something to do with Will being there. _

_"__Oh…of course, I'll leave you alone, come get me when you're finished, okay?" Will tried not to sound disappointed by being thrown out by Ethan. He could understand why he did it, Jay was incredibly closed off at times, so this was probably the right move. _

_"__So, Will is pretty worried about you huh?" Ethan smiled at Jay as he stood in front of him, trying to get Jay to loosen up a bit. He could see his colleagues' brother was tense, as he sat on the gurney, his legs dangling off the side, the bed too high for him to touch the floor. _

_"__Yeah," Jay finally lifted his head to look at Ethan. His expression was neutral, closed off, Choi wasn't getting anything for free. Jay was an army ranger, people needed to remember that, Ethan thought to himself as he thought about how to crack though Jay's shell. _

_"__So, any problems?" Ethan thought a few short questions, and then he'd put Jay though an examination, to see if there really were any problems. _

_"__Not really," Jay was being evasive. From what Ethan understood he was still feeling dizzy at times, and there were headaches. _

_"__No headaches?" Ethan made sure to keep eye contact with Jay. _

_Jay hesitated, sighing before he answered, "sometimes?" It sounded more like a question then an answer to Ethan, so he had to smile._

_"__Sleep okay?" _

_"__Sometimes?" Jay smiled as he looked up from studying his shoes for a moment. _

_Ethan shook his head at Jay, he had to smile back at him, they both knew the answer to that one. Jay was still having nightmares, but he hadn't had any dissociative episodes the last few days. _

_"__Okay then, let's get this show on the road." Ethan got the blood pressure cuff from the monitor above the bed and fastened it around Jay's bicep. Jay looked down at his shoes again, let Ethan do his thing. _

_Jay's BP was a little on the low side, not a problem, but he might be a bit dehydrated still. Will had mentioned Jay not really eating well even if he denied being nauseated. _

_Ethan turned down the lights, pulling out a penlight from his pocket. "I know this might still be a bit uncomfortable," Ethan put his left hand at the nape of Jay's neck, holding him still as he shined the light into his left eye, causing Jay to close his eyes and pull away. _

_"__Ahh, shit…" Jay, kept his eyes closed, raising his arms to push Ethan away from him. _

_"__Alright, sorry…still sensitive to light then," Ethan released his hold on Jay, not wanting him to feel restrained. "I still need to check you pupil reaction, so bear with me for a few more seconds, okay?" Ethan let Jay relax for a minute. _

_Jay opened his eyes, a foul expression on his face. "Ugh, just get it over with then," looking straight ahead, steeling himself. _

_"__Deep breath," Ethan warned before he held on to Jay's head again, shining the light first in his left then his right eye, checking pupil reaction. _

_Jay had paled, closing his eyes again once Ethan released him. _

_"__Good…., sorry Jay." Giving Jay a moment to recover. _

_"__I'm fine, it's just uncomfortable," Jay straightened his back, looking back at Ethan who went to turn the lights back up. _

_Choi checked Jay's reflexes, his strength in his arms and legs, then coordination and balance. _

_Jay paled with every move Ethan put him through, obviously feeling sick to his stomach. _

_When Ethan finally had him stand with his arms stretched out in front of himself, and then closing his eyes, he started to sway. Ethan finally had to steady Jay as he was about to fall. _

_"__Okay, that's enough, let get you back on the bed," Ethan could see that Jay was dangerously close to loosing his breakfast. _

_Steadying Jay back to the gurney, he could feel Jay was clammy, obviously not feeling good. _

_"__You going to throw up?" Ethan got an emesis basin from one of the shelves and out it on Jay's lap. _

_"__Uh…maybe, give me a minute…" Jay looked miserable, head hanging low. _

_It didn't take a minute before Jay started heaving, then he lost whatever he'd eaten that day, before the dry heaves took over. _

_Ethan steadied Jay as he almost toppled over on the floor. When Jay's stomach seemed to be finished, he took the basin away, made Jay rinse his mouth with some water. _

_"__I'm okay…" Jay said, still looking pale as a ghost. _

_"__Sure, you're fine," Ethan said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Lay down for a minute," Ethan pushed Jay back on the gurney, Jay immediately curling up on his side, eyes closed. _

_"__I'm going to schedule an MRI, just to be on the safe side, with your history with a serious head injury we need to be sure." Ethan put his hand on Jay's back, trying to comfort him as he knew this wasn't what Jay had hoped for. _

_"__Ugh, not today, I just want to go home, please, Ethan." Jay sounded desperate. _

_"__I really don't want to wait Jay…" Ethan said, leaning his with his hip against the gurney, waiting for Jay to concede. But when he didn't, "okay, but if you get worse you need to come in. headaches, dizzy, you come see me!" _

_"__Fine, I promise," Jay said, still looking like death warmed over. _

_"__I'll go get Will and let him know, if that's okay with you." Ethan needed Jay to consent to Will getting any information. _

_"__Fine," Jay sighed._

That was two days ago. Will had brought Jay home, made him rest, sleep and eat. Played mother hen until Jay had told him to stop it.

The MRI was scheduled for the end of the week, Jay having whined about missing work for an unnecessary examination, getting it postponed to Friday.

Everyone was out, working on the case, Jay was bored, his head stating to pound from reading documents, and looking at his computer screen. He was starting to feel a bit sick, but he brushed it off. Making his way to the break room to get more coffee, enjoying drinking as much of it as he wanted to, no Will there to stop him.

He got about five steps before he was hit with the mother of all dizzy spells. Jay fought to stay on his feet, the room making a sickening roll to the left, disturbing his equilibrium.

Hands finding the wall he slowly slid down to sit with his back against it, knees drawn up to his chest, head down, waiting for it to stop.

Jay didn't know how long he stayed that way, but after a while he could hear voices, closing in, someone was going to discover him soon. He didn't have the energy yet to get up off the floor.

"Jay? Hey! You okay?" the raspy voice of his boss made Jay look up.

"I'm okay, just got dizzy going for coffee," Jay tried to play it down, not wanting any attention, but knew he'd been caught.

"Go home Jay, get Will to pick you up." Voight was gruff as usual but Jay could detect some sympathy in his voice.

"Nah, I'm fine, just give me a minute."

"Nope, hey! Al? give Will a call," Voight wasn't budging. "Take the rest of the week Halstead, come back when you're ready."

Jay hung his head again; this was not what he wanted to hear.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: So, there's even more of this! My muse takes me where ever it wants to go, I just follow:-D. **

**Thanks for the feedback and pm's I love hearing from you. Hopefully this isn't too cheesy, I do try to stay realistic but I do use an artistic license once in a while. **

Will got in his car and drove over to the district as soon as Olinsky called him. He was still home; his shift hadn't started yet when Al called. Platt wasn't as sarcastic as usual as she buzzed him up to intelligence.

"Where is he?" Will needed to see Jay for himself. Al had been a bit sketchy on the details.

"He's in the break room," Olinsky met Will as he rushed up the stairs, "calm down, he's alright, he fell asleep actually," Al smiled.

Jay was on the couch, on his side, features lax in sleep.

"Ah…yeah…he's asleep," Will stopped in the doorway, Jay looked peaceful.

"Take him home, he's not ready to be here. Found him sitting on the floor." Voigt's raspy voice startled Will a bit. Turning he found Jay's boss standing beside him, he to looking at Jay's sleeping form.

"Yeah, looks like he needs more sleep," Will smiled at Voight, stating the obvious.

Will entered the room, closing the door behind him, wanting privacy for Jay when he tried to wake him up.

He tried calling Jay's name first as that usually did the trick if Jay wasn't too deep or in the middle of a dream.

Jay didn't stir, he was still deeply asleep. Will moved closer, still not trying to touch his brother, "Jay, come on, wake up, I need you to wake up."

Finally, Jay showed signs of waking up, his forehead creasing in what looked like discomfort.

"Jay, man, come on, you're fine, just wake up for me," Will was hoping for a calm reentry to wakefulness for Jay.

Jay turned over on his back, an arm coming up to rest over his eyes. His breathing changed, signaling him waking up.

"Hey, you up?" Will asked, as he dragged a chair over to sit.

"Huh, yea…" Jay lifted his arm, tired eyes looked around the room, reorienting himself, "I'm up." Jay started to move, slowly pushing against the cushions to sit up. He looked groggy, like he needed more sleep.

"I was told to come get you, Al said you weren't feeling well?" Will was fishing for details, but his brother was the king of deflection, so he wasn't expecting any details.

"They worry too much, I'm fine." Jay looked down at the floor.

"Taking naps at work in the middle of the day? Yeah, you're perfect Jay, come on, let's get you home, I need to go to work soon." Will was tired of trying to drag details out of his brother, deciding to just let him be.

"You're not going to faint on me, are you?" Will asked just to irk Jay, "take it slow, alright?" Jay seemed to sway a bit getting up from the couch.

"I'm fine, not going to faint," Jay said making it to the door, waiting a moment to get his barriers up before facing his boss and Olinsky.

Walking out into the open room he straightened up, looked almost like his old self. Will was amazed by how good Jay was at hiding how he really felt.

"Feel better Jay," Olinsky was at his desk, eyes on Jay. The older detective was always hard to read, but Will could tell he was worried about Jay as well. "Let me know if you need anything, you to Will."

Even Platt looked at Jay with sympathy in her eyes, confusing Will with her kind words at his brother.

Jay looked like he wanted to sink down and disappear, just trying to get out of the precinct as fast as possible.

When Jay had to stop on his way down the stairs and put a hand to the wall Will felt his stomach clench.

"Jay?" He hurried over, taking a hold of Jay's arm in case Jay would fall. Or worse loose consciousness.

When Jay didn't answer right away Will took hold of Jay and steered him to sit down on the stairs. "Sit down, slowly…good," Will bowed down in front of Jay gauging him, putting a hand on Jay's neck, feeling his cold skin against his hand.

"Ugh…feel sick…" Jay volunteered, keeping his eyes firmly shut.

"Yeah? I'm not doing this anymore Jay, we're going to Med and you're getting that MRI today," Will was sure something was wrong. The continued headache, nausea and dizziness were more then just post-concussion syndrome.

Jay didn't protest, making Will worry even more, his brother seemed drowsy, like could fall asleep right there, on the stairs in the precinct.

Jay didn't answer, he looked like he had enough trying to not throw up on his shoes.

"Come on, let's go, I'm taking you to work." Will said, dragging Jay up on his feet, putting Jay's arm over his neck, snaking his other around Jay's back. Jay got his feet under him, but he was leaning heavily on Will, as they made their way down the stairs and out the door.

Will was parked nearby, getting Jay safely in the passenger side of the car he drove off, planning to drop Jay off in the ED before Will's shift started.

Jay was slumbering beside him all the way, complaining about his head hurting and feeling sick every time Will had to hit the brakes.

It only took them 15 minutes to get there but, in that time, Will had been through every differential diagnosis possible explaining Jay's symptoms.

Herding Jay inside the ED doors, he tried to calm down and not yell for help, because he knew Jay would kill him later for drawing any attention.

Maggie spotted them, coming over, "Hey Jay? Will? What's going on?" She could see Jay looking a bit pale.

"Uhm, yeah fine, Maggie, is Choi here? I need to speak to him, and maybe if there's a bed where I could deposit my brother." Will had a hand on Jay's back, just to be ready if he had another dizzy spell. Jay turned to Will starting to protest but turning was enough to make him loose his equilibrium.

"Whoa, Jay…let's get you sitting down, okay?" Maggie picked up on what was going on, saving Will. She got one of the wheelchairs nearby and steered Jay into it before he got to protest.

Maggie whisked them away from anyone watching them to a quiet room in the ED.

"So, what's up?" Maggie said as she drew the glass door shut and drew the curtain for privacy. "Jay, get on the bed, jacket off please." Jay did as he was told, Maggie's commands clear, and he didn't really have the energy to protest.

Jay sat down on the side of the bed, pulling off his jacket. Maggie put a gown down beside him, pointing at him in a silent gesture for him to change.

"You, change into that, me and your brother are going to have a few words outside." Maggie looked pointedly at Will.

As Will and Maggie left Jay, Maggie was about to close the door when she peeked her inside, "you okay alone Jay?"

"Yeah, I' fine," Jay said, reluctant to change into the gown Maggie had put in the bed beside him.

"Will? What's going on?"

"Uh, I don't know yet, but he's not okay, I'm afraid he's got more then a concussion, he's dizzy and altered, they called me to come pick him up from the district. I think Ethan was right to order an MRI, but Jay got him to push it back."

"Okay, so you're worried about a bleed. Let me get someone to take some vitals on you brother and then I'll call radiology and get them to do the MRI today." Maggie touched Will's arm, a gesture of comfort, she knew Will was worried out of his mind.

"Great, thanks Maggie, you're the best," Will smiled at her, as he watched her leave.

Turning back to his brother's room he could see Jay leaning precariously over, he was still sitting on the side of the bed but bent down, looking at the floor. The puddle of vomit on the floor alerted Will to move.

"Jay? You alright?" A ridiculous question but it slipped out anyway.

"Ugh, yeah, sorry, it just…I could stop it." Jay looked up, eyes watering from being sick only moments ago.

"No, don't worry about it, let's get you up on the bed okay?" Will walked over, found some paper towels to put over the vomit, before he helped Jay drag his t-shirt over his head. He got Jay to lay down before he draped the gown over his torso.

"You do need to lose the shoes and pants too, Jay." Will knew Jay was hating this with the heat of a nova, so the lack of protest was disconcerting to say the least.

A nurse entered just as Will got Jay's shoes off. "Hi, Jay? It's April, we've talked before, I'll just get some vitals and put you on the monitors, Will here can help you with the pants." She tried to lighten the mood.

She lifted Jay's gown attaching the sticky pads with leads, the monitor above the bed waking up when Will pushed one of the buttons. She dropped the gown down and fastened the blood pressure cuff around his upper arm. Getting a temperature, she proceeded to get a BP reading and started to record it in Jay's chart.

"I'll let dr. Choi know you're here. How do you feel Jay, besides the nausea?"

April smiled at Jay, trying to make him relax.

"I'm better helped to throw up, but head hurts," Jay slapped at Will's hand trying to get him take his pants off.

"Yeah, maybe we should start an IV, Will?" April looked to him for directions as he was after all the doctor in the room.

"Yeah, get a line in." Will answered absentmindedly as he looked at Jay.

"I'll go get some supplies and you get some privacy Jay, lose the pants, you can't wear them when you get the MRI." April smiled, keeping the mood light even if Jay potentially was very ill.

Will pulled at Jay's leg to get his attention, Jay seemed to lose focus easily, not paying attention.

"What? Oh, yeah…" Jay helped, opened his pants and lifted his butt as Will pulled on his jeans to get them off. Covering Jay with a blanket when he was finished.

Jay leaned back against the pillows. Will sat down beside the bed on a chair watching Jay, glancing up at the monitor occasionally, noting Jay's for him high blood pressure. His brother was pale, face drawn, wrinkle between his eyes a telltale sign of how uncomfortable he was.

"How long am I going to have to stay here?" Jay asked, voice low, hoarse.

"I don't know Jay, lets just get the MRI and then Choi can decide what to do."

Jay closed his eyes, cold sweat on his brow. "Uh…Will, sick…. I uh, going to throw up…"

Will sprung into action just as April returned with the supplies. He got an emesis basin under his brothers chin just in time for him to start throwing up.

The pain in Jay's head exploded as his stomach convulsed trying to empty itself. He put his hands on his head as he felt like he was about to go crazy, pushing on his skull trying to get some relief. After what felt like an eternity, he stopped heaving, but the pain wouldn't leave him alone.

The room was going in and out of focus when he tried opening his eyes. He could hear Will talking, but he couldn't understand what he was saying, sounds were muffled, alarms going off, making his head hurt even worse.

Jay felt like he needed to get away, he needed to go somewhere quiet, so the drilling in his brain would stop. Hands were touching him, restraining him when he pushed his legs over the side of the bed, ready to try and walk out of there.

More people arrived in the room. Sound kept coming in and out, Jay felt foggy, remembering another time, confused, in pain, his ears ringing.

"Jay, stop…you have to stay here…alright?" Will was holding on to both his shoulders, his face close to Jay, making him feel claustrophobic.

"Will? My head hurts…" Jay tried to explain why he didn't want to lie down.

"This isn't working people. April, get an IV access going, Will hold his arm for her." Ethan was suddenly there.

"Jay, you have to lie down, we'll help you, but you have to let us…. lie back for me." Jay wanted to comply but lying flat on the bed only made everything hurt worse. The pain in his head only intensified.

"Get 5 mg diazepam IV as soon as you have that line in April, he needs to go to radiology as soon as possible." Ethan took charge, looking at Will, sharing a look they both knew what was most likely coming.

Jay felt his arm restrained, someone then poked him in the crook of his elbow with a needle. He tried to withdraw his arm, but Will was holding on to him. "It's okay Jay, just a small poke, relax your arm for a moment, please?"

Jay tried to do as he was told but he had trouble comprehending what was happening. He remembered the IED, Mouse looking dead beside him.

"Mouse?"

Will froze looking at his brother, trying to understand why he was asking about Mouse at this moment.

The faraway look in Jay's eyes told him the reason, Jay wasn't there with them anymore. He was in a different country, far away in a different time.

"Diazepam is in, he's starting to relax." April said as she released her hold on Jay's arm.

Will did the same as he felt Jay relax in his arms, he slowly released him back against the pillows.

Tbc!


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Thank you so much for the comment's and pm's I really do enjoy reading your reactions to this! It's all self-indulget whump/angst/brofeels but I'm happy you guys enjoy it as well:-D. **

**Hopefully I'll have more time to write soon. **

Ethan dropped his coffee in the dumpster on the roof terrace when he was paged and got Maggie's message for him to come down to the ED. He was on a short break, the end of his shift was near, he only had some paperwork to get through before he could head home.

"Hey, what's up Maggie?" he leaned against the counter beside the charge nurse.

"Oh, great! You're needed over in 5, Halstead requested you specifically. It's Jay." Maggie rounded the desk, following Choi as he made his way over to exam 5.

They could hear voices inside, Will's was most prominent, as he looked like he was trying to push Jay back on the bed, telling him he had to stay.

Jay seemed altered and confused, as he tried to get away from April and Will. Ethan stepped in, seeing where this was going. He had been worried after examining Jay just a few days ago, he'd ordered an MRI, but Jay had wanted to push it. Stupid as he'd been Ethan had indulged him.

"Will? What's going on?" Ethan asked.

"Severe headache, nausea and dizzy. He's been altered these last few minutes. There's something wrong Ethan!" Will looked desperate, worried beyond what Ethan had ever seen.

Stepping up, taking charge he ordered April to get an IV access, push a sedative as Jay wasn't cooperating, they wouldn't be able to do an MRI or even examine him like this.

Jay was exhibiting symptoms of increased intracranial pressure, time was ticking, they needed to get him to radiology to determine the problem.

Jay was struggling, not understanding what was going on. April was finally able to get a line in, pushing the white fluid into Jay's bloodstream, calming him down, his body starting to relax just a minute after the drug was administered.

Will got Jay situated back on the bed and the room was calming down. The monitor was showing Jay's vitals, pulse and blood pressure high.

"Will, I'm going to tube him, he's showing every sign of high intracranial pressure, there's a risk of him aspirating, he needs a head CT, the MRI is going to take too long." Ethan said looking at Will, knowing he knew the same as him but Jay was his brother.

"April, get the drugs ready, rapid intubation, ketamine, fentanyl, sux and propofol. He needs relief, and we need to be able to treat him. Will? You okay with my plan?" Ethan looked at Will waiting for affirmation.

Will didn't say anything he just nodded his head, yes.

Ethan went to the head of the bed, pulling the pillow away from under Jay's head, tilting it back, pulling Jay's chin down, he investigated Jay's mouth, checking the airway preparing for the procedure.

"Drugs ready," April announced, having put several syringes down beside Jay's IV access, ready to push the ordered drugs.

"Okay, I'll just preoxygenate him for a minute." Ethan a mask connected to the ventilation bag over Jay's mouth and nose, giving him a 100 % oxygen. They all looked at the monitor as Jays sats climbed to 100%.

"Okay, administer the drugs," Ethan nodded at April, "Keep it quiet people." Ethan said to the room, as he didn't want Jay going into a sedated state feeling stressed, or thinking he was in any danger. He knew Ketamine could induce nightmares and vivid dreams.

Watching Jay's chest rise and fall, he started bagging him as his breaths became slower. Checking his level of sedation lifting an eyelid, then touching his eyelashes, looking for a reaction.

"He's out," Ethan put the mask and bag away, got the laryngoscope out, pushed Jay's chin down, pushed the blade of the scope down, over Jay's tongue, pulling the handle of the scope to visualize the trachea and vocal cords. He pushed the endotracheal tube down, past the vocal cords, sure he was placing it correctly.

"I'm in," he pushed air into the cuff of the tube with a syringe, making sure it would stay put, and stop any stomach contents reaching Jay's lungs.

He bagged Jay manually while April checked Jay's breath sounds to be sure the tube was placed correctly.

"Equal breaths, April said, looking at Will as he got his stethoscope off his neck to check as well.

"CT is ready for you," Maggie came to the door announcing. She looked at Jay then Will.

"I'm sorry Will, he'll be well taken care of I promise, I paged neurosurgery so that they'll look at the scans as soon as he's done up in radiology."

"Yeah, thanks Maggie," Will said after checking Jay's breath sounds.

"Bring phenylephrine, propofol, fentanyl and ketamine, we might need to put him deeper under. Hang a liter of saline and get another line in before we go to radiology." Ethan was throwing out orders, wanting to cover every eventuality before they moved from the ED.

The news was not what Will wanted to hear, but it was what he'd expected. A subdural hematoma, Jay needed surgery, it had to happen now. Looking at the CT scanning. seeing his brother's brain, the amount of blood not great, but enough to warrant its removal.

He watched as Ethan, the nurses and technicians transferred Jay from the CT scanner to back to the bed. Jay looked like he was out cold, not reacting to the way he was handled. It was disconcerting to see him like that, so vulnerable and defenseless, Will felt like he was supposed to protect him.

"We'll take him to the ICU, then prep him for surgery, neurosurgery will meet us up there." Ethan was relaying the plan, as he kept a close eye on the portable monitors attached to Jay.

Following his brother's bed as he was transported to the ICU Will sent a text message to Al about Jay going into surgery, and that he would tell them more later.

Choi was busy getting a central line in when the neurosurgeon came bustling into Jay's cubicle in the ICU. A nurse had cut Jay's boxers off, put in a catheter, and was covering Jay up again.

"OR 3 is ready for us. Are you his next of kin?" He asked looking at Will.

"Yeah, I'm his brother, he hasn't spoken to his father in a few years so I'm the closest."

"Okay, you know the drill Dr Halstead, we'll evacuate the blood though a bore hole, it's easy and fast. I might put in a subdural catheter for measuring ICP for a few days, he's young so there isn't much room for swelling."

Will nodded in affirmation but he was feeling like he was outside of himself. Like this wasn't really happening.

The surgeon had a few words with Ethan, who was done placing the central line, as Will went over to Jay. Leaning close to the bedrail, he reached over and put his hand on his brother's forehead. He looked calm and relaxed, not confused and in pain like before.

Will leaned closer, whispering in his brother's ear, "You'll be okay Jay, I'll be here when you wake up."

Will was left standing alone as a team of people took his brother away to the operating room. His legs felt like jelly; his hands were shaking so he put them in his pockets. Will realized he had a shift down in the ED to get ready for.

"You're not going to work Will," Ethan was beside him suddenly, a hand landing on Will's shoulder.

"Jay's in good hands. This is a routine procedure; you've got the best neurosurgeon in the city performing it. He's going to be fine."

"Yeah, it's just…I should have caught it sooner."

"Hey, come on don't go there, I should have made him get the MRI the same day I noticed something was off, if someone's to blame it's me Will." Ethan's hand was still on Will's shoulder, pulling him to turn around to face him.

Will hid his face in his hands, he'd let his brother down again was all he could think.

"I let him down Ethan. I was supposed to look out for him, help him, and I've done it again." Will could feel tears form in his eyes.

"No, Will you didn't let him down, you are here, and you're going to stay here, so no, you haven't let him down in any way." Ethan tried to console Will, getting through to him.

Ethan knew the kind of guilt Will felt, he also knew Jay would need Will to be there, fully functional, when he came back from surgery.

"Yeah, I have to talk to Goodwin," Will looked up suddenly remembering he had a shift down in the ED.

"I already talked to her, she got someone to cover your shift. You have a few days off work ahead of you as well." Ethan smiled at Will.

"Go get some rest, I'll have them call you when Jay get's back. I'll talk to the surgeon about the post op orders, Jay needs a gentle wakeup, he was in a bad place when he went under."

"Yeah, I'm staying with him Ethan," Will looked at his friend with new found determination.

"Good. But go get some rest or you'll be no use to your brother."

Will acquiesced and turned to leave for the doctor's lounge in the ED, planning to claim a couch to lie down on.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: I'm really sorry for the long wait. Life got busy, but hopefully I'll have some time to finish this story now that summer vacation is here. **

**Again, thanks for the pm's and reviews! Feedback feeds the author;-)**

Jay was floating. Somehow his mind understood he was in a medicated state, but he couldn't keep his thoughts from wandering, he couldn't focus. It was mostly in a carefree state where he didn't break the surface, but stayed in that quiet floaty place, dipping in and out of deep sleep.

He felt he was about to break the surface every now and then. He could hear voices, feel hands touching him, moving him, making him worry that something was wrong, but the medication pulled him under when he tried to figure it out.

Jay didn't know how long he was kept in that state, but he was gradually spending more time trying to get through some kind of wall that kept him separated from the real world. Voices were stating to stand out, Will was there sometimes, but Jay couldn't understand what he was talking about, everything was so disjointed and jumbled in his mind.

He felt restless, like he had forgotten something, like there was some place he needed to be, as if he was late for something.

Feeling hands touching him, doing things to his body, moving him from side to side was disturbing. Jay suddenly felt the tube down his throat, recognizing it from another time, a time he'd tried to forget, a time that made his body react. He was gagging, he was so close to breaking though that wall, he needed to move his hands, to pull it out.

"He's not deep enough under, Jay?... He needs more sedation, he can't wake up on the tube, come on, hurry." Will's voice.

Jay, tried to stay, but he was pulled under, body growing heavy, his thoughts slowing down, darkness swallowing him again.

Will and Ethan had planned to keep Jay under until morning. He'd come out of surgery with flying colors, the neurosurgeon happy and very hopeful that Jay wouldn't suffer any permanent damage.

Keeping Jay medicated and on the vent until the next morning was a choice they made because he needed the rest, both brain and body. Jay had been confused when he went under, making Will worry about his return. He didn't want Jay waking up with a tube down his throat, it was too cruel to have him wake up like that. Jay didn't really need respiratory support, so Ethan planned on pulling the tube before he woke up fully.

Will stayed, wanting to be sure Jay was comfortable. After reading about his injuries and recovery after the IED attack in Afghanistan, he had promised to himself that Jay would not be alone like that again.

Jay looked horrible. Just out of surgery, head bandaged, the endotracheal tube distorting his peaceful features. He was pale, freckles standing out, making him look sick. He was triggering the vent, wanting to breathe for himself, his brain had survived this, he would be fine.

Voight and Erin came by late in the evening. Erin subdued; Will knew they hadn't been together lately. Jay had slipped, his nightmares resurfacing, Will guessed Jay had withdrawn from everyone, to protect himself and the ones around him.

"He's going to be okay, no lasting damage, but he's going to need some time to recover from this." Will said, as Erin sat down beside Jay's bed, touching his hand, looking at him with tears in her eyes.

"Why isn't he awake then?" Voight asked, looking at Will, from the foot of Jay's bed.

"Ah… well, we're keeping him sedated for the night, he was altered and confused so we had to put him under to get him to radiology." Will hedged, not sure how much he wanted to tell them about Jay struggling lately.

"So, he could be awake if you let him?" Erin looked angry, as she looked up at Will on the other side of the bed.

"Yeah," Will looked down at his hands debating with himself what to tell them.

"I don't know how well you know Jay's history, but he's been through a head injury before, during his service in the army…"

Voight looked at Will, his face unreadable, Erin on the other hand looked horrified.

"What happened?" she asked, looking back at Jay, her hand coming up to cup his face.

"I can't really say too much, it's Jay's story to tell, not mine. But let's just say he has trouble waking up from anesthesia, that and the fact that he had a flashback earlier in the ED, we're being careful when we wake him up." Will looked at Voight for a reaction but he still wasn't showing any emotion.

"He needs to rest, so we're keeping him under until tomorrow."

"Probably a good idea," Voight opened his mouth for the first time. "He can have all the time he needs to get back on his feet." Voight moved towards the door, his visit coming to an end. "His spot in intelligence his there if he wants it back, but he needs to be healthy Will."

Erin got up, she still had her hand on Jay's cheek, keeping the connection to him. She looked like she wanted to stay.

"I'll stay with him tonight. I promised him." Will said, trying to comfort Erin, as Voight looked at her expectantly, waiting on her to follow him.

"Take care of him Will, I know I blew it with him, but I still care." Erin whispered as she passed Will on her way out.

"Yeah…I will Erin."

Both left, leaving Will alone with Jay, just the nurse sitting nearby, monitoring Jay continuously.

It was early morning when Jay started to move again. Two nurses were moving him over on his left side, Will standing nearby having tried to sleep in one of the chairs beside the bed. His features were in a tight grimace as if he was in pain, arms moving, uncoordinated.

"Jay? We're just moving you, relax, you're alright," the nurse said they moved him, making sure every tube, lead and wire didn't tangle or pull on anything.

"He's too light, give him a bolus of fentanyl, I want him comfortable…Please?" Will said, remembering he wasn't his brothers treating doctor, and the nurses did this every day for a living and didn't really need his advice. His protective instincts were really showing.

"He's alright Will, just waking up a bit." One of the nurses pushed a button on one of the pumps, giving Jay some more medication.

Jay's facial features relaxed back in sleep as Will got to settle back beside the bed, his hand on Jay's, he observed his brother for any sign on discomfort.

It was nearing 7 a.m. when the dayshift came on, blood was drawn, new observations made. Jay was still sleeping soundly, triggering the vent, essentially, he was breathing on his own, the vent only helping when the drugs made his breathing slow down too much.

Will made his way down to the ED to have a shower and change his clothes as the nurses took care of his brother. He knew Jay would cringe by what was being done to him without his knowledge, he was after all a very private person not wanting any help from anyone.

Returning to his brother's room Jay was sitting up slightly, now on his back. His legs moved, the sedation obviously off. Two nurses were getting things ready to pull the tube. Will had requested Ethan do it, even if there were other doctors up in the ICU, he wanted someone he trusted and knew his brother to be there.

"Hey Will," Ethan entered shortly after Will, "you look like shit Will!" Ethan smiled as he put his hand on Will's shoulder.

"Thanks, didn't get much sleep."

Ethan put on gloves, getting ready. "I checked his chart, everything looks good. He had a quiet night, should be okay to be extubated."

Pulling out a penlight from his pocket Ethan checked Jay's pupils, making Jay recoil and try to move his head away.

"Okay, let's get it out before he wakes up even more," Ethan said, motioning for the nurse to remove the tape holding the tube in place and deflating the cuff with a syringe.

"Jay, try to relax, this is a bit uncomfortable," Ethan said even if Jay seemed to be deeply asleep.

Pulling on the tube made Jay gag and cough, but he didn't seem too uncomfortable, Will had taken the position from one of the nurses, putting a suctioning tube in Jay's mouth to clear his airway. His brother's arms moved to push the intrusive device away from him.

"Jay? You wake?" Will had to smile as Jay decided to bite down on the offending tube in his mouth.

"Hey, Jay, don't do that!" Will laughed. Ethan smiled as well, an oxygen mask ready in his hand, having checked Jay's stats on the monitor.

Jay opened his eyes, heavy lids blinking. Blue eyes roaming the room before finally settling on Will.

"Jay, you're okay." Ethan said as Will managed to get Jay to let the suctioning tube go.

"Uhn…wha..." Jay seemed incredibly groggy and tired; his voice gravelly.

Ethan put the mask over Jay's nose and mouth and found his stethoscope ready to listen to Jay's lungs.

"Deep breaths, come on," Ethan instructed as he moved the stethoscope underneath jay's gown. Jay's eyes closed as he seemed to go back to sleep.

"Lungs sound clear, he's okay," Ethan said, more to Will then anyone else, smiling as he looked at Jay.

Will nodded, a hand on Jay's shoulder, needing to touch him, he needed him to be fine.

"Let him sleep the rest of the drugs off before you bombard him with questions Will. The surgeon said everything looked okay." Ethan knew Will was keen on knowing Jay was intact neurologically, but Jay wouldn't be able to cooperate for the examination with heavy drugs still in his system.

"Okay. I'll let him sleep, I'm just not sure until I get to talk to him, see it for myself, we can't know for sure until he wakes up."

Looking down on his brother he could see that Jay was sleeping soundly, if it hadn't been for the bandage on the head and all the medical equipment, he looked asleep and not drugged. His face lax, no worry lines, a bit pale but he didn't look like he was in any discomfort.

"You need to be okay Jay," Will whispered as he sat down beside the bed again, waiting for his brother to wake up.


	16. Chapter 16

The headache and nausea had been torture, waking up and not feel like his head was going to explode was a relief. Jay had trouble remembering what had been going on the day he'd been admitted. He did remember what Will had told him about what had happened to him, as soon as Jay had been able to retain information for more than 2 seconds.

It was hard to feel so out of control. Being monitored continuously, poked, prodded and examined was grating on his defenses. Jay was antsy, he wanted out of there, but no one was listening to him.

Jay knew he was reacting badly to the situation because it reminded him of what happened to him years ago. Somehow his brain activates his flight or fight instincts when he's in these circumstances. Somehow being this exposed and vulnerable triggers him. Nightmares dragging up his time in the army, things he's buried deep where he thought it couldn't be found, was coming back to the surface.

Being watched constantly made it worse. He remembers shaving nightmares in the hospital in Germany. There were vague memories of being restrained, drugged, making the nightmares and flashbacks even worse. Rationally he knew no one tried to hurt him, but his brain tells him a different story. Every nurse and doctor entering his room, changing an IV bag, giving him pills he doesn't really know what will do to him, made him on edge. It's hard to rest when hypervigilance makes you wake up every time someone walks by the door your room.

He tried to get Will to take him home, but Will was scared, Jay could tell by the way he checks and rechecks everything. The way he stayed with Jay even if he needs to rest himself.

"Will, go home, I'll be fine on my own." Jay tries on the third night in the hospital. He'd been moved to a private room. There was no need for him to be monitored all the time. They wanted him to stay a few more days so that he would be safe on his own, before they discharge him. Jay was still dizzy, even if he was improving fast.

"It's fine Jay, I'd rather stay. I switched shifts, so I can go home and sleep tomorrow morning before going to work." Will was putting away Jay's things in the closet in the corner of the room. Making himself busy, constantly moving around the room.

"Will, I'm fine, I could go home, I feel fine," Jay sat up on the side of the bed, feet touching the floor. It was great to be able to decide for himself what to do and when. The ICU was a fishbowl, no privacy and bossy nurses, making decisions for him, but trying to make it sound like he had a choice.

"Yeah? You sure? Sarah said you were kind of restless last night," Will stopped what he was doing to look at Jay. Will had to go back to work so Jay had been alone last night for the first time since the surgery. He'd talked to Sarah before going in to say hi to Jay after his shift, before going home to sleep. She'd told Will Jay had been restless and had hardly gotten any sleep. They'd offered him sleeping pills and painkillers, but he'd refused.

After talking to the attending on call they'd decided to doze him with a sedative after what had looked like a nightmare, then suspiciously like a panic attack when he woke up. The midazolam had worked wonders, and as it was an amnesia inducing drug Jay didn't really remember much of what happened, but he had seemed a bit muddled when Will had visited early that morning.

"Uh, yeah…just some bad dreams," Jay said to the floor in front of him, avoiding looking at Will. He was playing with the one IV access still left, in the crook of his left elbow.

"Okay…Jay, come on, talk to me…" Will was suddenly right there beside Jay, pulling his hand away from pulling on the tape holding the IV in place.

Jay looked up at his brother, not sure what to say, not sure what Will wanted from him. He was trying his best to hang on, to keep his head on straight, but it was hard. Will held on to his hand, forcing Jay to keep his attention on him.

"Stop Will, please….I'm too tired," Jay's wall was about to crumble, the lump in his throat growing, making it hard to catch his breath.

"Hey...hey, Jay…I'm sorry, you're okay," Will sat down beside Jay, his arm coming around Jay's back, pulling him closer. "I'm not pushing you, alright?"

Jay didn't dare open to answer, his throat still feeling like it was closing off, making it hard to breathe.

Will could see that Jay was losing his composure and he felt bad for asking Jay about last night. He already knew Jay had been struggling last night and now he was making him feel bad about it, this was not going the way he had planned.

"I didn't mean to make this even harder…I, I'm sorry."

Jay still didn't answer, his breathing slowing down, Will could feel his torso moving under his arm. Raising his head, looking up at Will, Jay's eyes were red rimmed, tears threatening to fall.

"You didn't do anything wrong…I'm just, everything is kind of bubbling up to the surface, you know? It's hard to keep it in check, being here doesn't really help."

Jay let his head fall into his hands, the hairless spot they'd shaved to evacuate the blood pressing on his brain suddenly very visible. Black stitches were uncovered. It reminded Will of what his brother had just been through and how he'd almost lost him.

Waiting to examine and talk to Jay had been cruel. Finding out that Jay was really going to be okay had been such a relief, Will only then understanding how tense he'd been.

"We'll get you out of here as soon as it's safe Jay…" Will tried to comfort his brother, and reason with him at the same time.

Jay nodded his head in understanding, still hiding behind his hands.

"I spoke to dr. Charles, he's going to stop by tomorrow," Will wanted to give Jay a fair warning but had waited until now so that Jay wouldn't have too much time to be anxious about it.

"What?" Will! Come on!" Jay turned to Will his eyes wide, with fear or anger, Will couldn't really tell.

"Just to have a chat, nothing more…just try, please`" Will knew he was asking a lot.

"You said you wouldn't push!" Jay sounded betrayed and it tore at Will's resolve.

"I'm not, he's just stopping by, nothing official, just to check on you, see what we can do to make things better."

"I've talked to shrinks before Will…" jay sounded incredibly tired, but his foot was restlessly tapping out some kind of rhythm against the floor.

"Yeah? From what I read in your file from the VA you were lost to follow up Jay, you didn't really get the help you needed. Charles is good, and it's not mandatory or permanent, if you don't like him, we'll find someone else."

Jay looked like he'd been hit. Again, there were tears in his eyes, making Will think he'd taken it too far.

"Hey…you're okay," Will felt bad for pushing Jay into doing what Will wanted him to.

"I got better Will, that's why I didn't go back."

"Well, I'm glad I got to know what really happened to you, you never told me anything Jay, I'm your brother, let me help this time."

Jay didn't answer, Will could sense he was trying his best to keep his composure. He knew Jay was still disturbed by Will reading his records.

There was a knock on the door, Jay startled, his back had been to the door, he whipped his head around, almost falling off the bed in the process.

"Whoa, easy Jay…" Will stood up and walked to the door as a nurse opened it and entered.

"Oh, hi Dr Halstead, I'm just here to get Jay's vitals." She smiled at Jay, rounding the to the other side of the bed where Jay was trying to get his heart to stop hammering in his chest.

"You okay Jay? Any pain, nausea?" She asked as she put the blood pressure cuff fastened around his arm and pushed the button for the reading.

"I'm alright," Jay tried to arrange his facial expression into something resembling a smile.

Checking his temperature and retaking his blood pressure Will came closer, looking at the numbers.

"Well, your blood pressure is on the low side, sure you feel okay?" the nurse said, looking up at Will when he came to stand beside her.

"Yeah, I'm fine…a bit tired maybe. They gave me something last night, knocked me out, been feeling groggy ever since." Jay said as he looked up at Will and the nurse.

"Oh, yeah, I guess you still have a hang over from the sedative," Will said, a worried frown on his face. "You really are a lightweight when it come to tolerance for drugs Jay," Will's frown turned into a smile.

"Yeah, just wished people would stop giving me that stuff," a sour expression on his face.

"Well, I'll come by later with your meds for the night. The doc did prescribe a something for sleep, you rest to get better." The nurse smiled as she left the brothers alone.

Will sat down in the chair by the bed, studying his brother's form, the dark skin under his eyes, his hair sticking up in tufts, he was pale and drawn. After studying his brother for a minute he'd made his decision, he was going to stay the night with him.

"You need anything Jay?"

"Nah, just some peace and quiet." Jay got up from his perch on the side of the bed.

"Where're you going?" Will also got up and put a steadying hand on jay's arm as he swayed a bit before finding his equilibrium.

"Bathroom, I do have certain needs…now that there's no catheter I actually have to take a piss." Jay said with an exasperated tone. He'd been protesting the catheter and every other tube and lead. Claiming it made him claustrophobic and that it was unnecessary.

"Uh..of course, I'll just wait out here…" Will was a bit awkward about following his brother to the bathroom. "Sit down, don't stand, I don't want to find you on the floor."

"Fine…just leave me alone." Jay said as he closed the door and locked it.

Will was happy to hear the belligerent tone from his brother, it meant he was on his way back, his walls rebuilding.

**AN: from the reviews on the latest chapter I'm thinking there's not much interest left for more of this so I'm wrapping up. Don't worry I'm not fishing for more comments. I'm totally fine with it, I write first of all for my own entertainment, when I can't find what I crave to read:-). **


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Psychiatry is not my specialty and I'm not a psychologist, so bare with me:-) I also need to say English isn't my first language, so sorry for any and all mistakes. **

Dr Charles had read his patient's file and felt prepared, as he walked into the room where Jay Halstead was supposed to be recuperating, after a subdural hematoma.

His brother had stopped by Charles office two days ago, fishing for advice on how to help his brother. After hearing about the detective's past and his current symptoms he'd volunteered his services.

A classic case of PTSD, he felt he could actually help. He didn't mind a challenge, Will had told him Jay was resisting to talk anyone, and that he would probably be a tiny bit hostile talking to Charles.

After knocking and getting no answer He entered the room, not sure what he'd expected to find, but what he did find were the brother's sleeping. Will snoring slightly, his body folded into a chair beside his brother who was on his side, only visible as a lump under blankets. Jay was moving, a small whine the telltale sign of him dreaming.

The doctor rounded the bed and went over to wake up Will. His hand on the younger doctor's shoulder did the trick as he woke up, looking up at Charles with wide eyes, "hi, sorry…didn't really get much sleep," Will whispered, obviously not wanting to wake up the person in the bed.

Jay, mumbled something in his sleep again, alerting both Will and Charles to him. "Nightmares?" Charles asked, eyebrows raised in question.

"Yeah, pretty bad lately." Will's eyes were on Jay, worried frown on his face.

Charles could see Jay's feet moving under the blankets, his restlessness growing with every second.

"Halstead, Jay? Come on, wake up," Charles tried to stop the cycle Jay was in. Standing beside Will, not touching his new patient, afraid of the reaction he'd get. Jay had been a Ranger; his default was to defend himself against an enemy.

Jay stopped moving, like he was reassessing his surroundings in his sleep. He seemed to wake up, slowly, his eyes opening, just slits, like he didn't know if he wanted to fully wake up yet. Moving over on his back, he groaned, his right arm coming up to cover his face.

"You okay?" Will sat up on the edge of his seat, studying his brother, worried.

"I'm fine…" if the exasperated tone in Jay's voice was any indication, he knew Charles was there to speak to him, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"So, detective Halstead, can I call you Jay by the way? I thought we could have a chat this morning," Charles smiled, even if Jay still had his arm over his eyes, shutting everything out.

"I'll just leave you two alone for a while then…" Will got up to leave, putting his hand on Jay's arm squeezing it, "I'll be back later Jay."

Jay didn't respond, he didn't move. Charles could understand the reaction, he'd practically ambushed him, even if Will had warned his brother the night before.

He's read his patients chart, the military background, the fact that there were injuries at some point, that he was offered counseling but had refused, or just not showed up. Jay had been fine for a long time, probably finding semi-healthy coping mechanisms that kept him functional.

Charles didn't know what had made him start to spiral, it wasn't the accident, Will had observed nightmares and flashbacks before it happened.

Looking at Jay he realized there had been several minutes since Will had left them alone. Halstead was still not acknowledging him being there in the room with him.

"The sooner you talk to me the sooner I'll be out of your hair," Charles said sitting down.

Jay finally lifted his arm, looking over at the doctor, bleary eyes and pale skin made him look exhausted.

"So, how does this work…" Jay hid behind his arm again, not ready to face Charles.

"I just want to you to talk to me about what's been going on with you, I know some of it, but I'd rather get it straight from the source as they say."

There was another minute of silence before Jay started to open up, his voice unsure, like he didn't know what words to use.

"I, ah…don't know what to….uh to tell you…"

"Well, I know there's nightmares…" Charles tried to help him along.

"Yeah…there's been dreams…."

Jay wasn't volunteering anything, just confirming, too locked into damage control to give up anything. Charles didn't blame him; the kid had been managing this to the best of his ability for a long time. He did seem to have a general distrust for healthcare workers after his past experiences.

"Here's what I think Jay. I know you're having intrusive memories; nightmares, flashbacks and you've had dissociative episodes." Charles had to push him, or he'd be there all day.

"Why do you even ask then?" Jay lifted his arm away, angry.

Charles was happy to have elicited a response from the man, anger was better than apathy.

"I can help you, if you'll let me?" Charles changed gears, trying to get though Jay's wall of defense.

"You are in ten kinds of pain kid; you are working so hard to keep this under control it's consuming all your energy. You are so locked into damage control that you can't see what's going on. The people around you are noticing, it's affecting your ability to function."

That last part was what made Jay react, he physically flinched, hearing how the people around him knew.

Charles knew he'd hit a nerve.

Jay sat up, swinging his feet off the bed on the other side so that Charles could only see his back. He was protecting himself, hiding, not wanting the doctor to see his reaction.

Silence, again, Charles let Jay have time to gather his thoughts, knowing he was experiencing chaos. He could tell by the heaving breaths, both hands in his hair as he leaned over, elbows on his knees. Defeated posture, curling up, burying his head.

"Let me help you," Charles going around the bed to get a better look at his patient. Jay kept his head down, hitching breaths telling Charles he'd made it over the first hurdle.

"Hey, it might not feel like it right now, but you'll get better." Charles sat down beside Jay, hand on his back, feeling Jay tremble under his touch.

"First thing is helping you get some sleep."

"NO, no sedatives or sleeping pills!" Jay sat up; eyes wild with fear, tears spilling down his cheeks.

"No no, nothing like that, there are other options, Prazosin. It's not a sedative, it will not knock you out. Actually, it's blood pressure medication, but it can reduce the frequency of nightmares."

Jay looked at him skeptically, hand trying to dry the tears away, but they kept coming.

"You need to talk to me at some point though. You need to tell me what happened so that I can help you remember it without reliving it. That's the trick you see." Charles smiled at Jay, seeing the surprised look on his face.

"Okay.." Jay said, looking down at his shaking hands.

"Yeah…well, good. You deserve help Jay; you've done a phenomenal job by yourself so far but let us help you this time around."

Charles got up, happy with what he'd accomplished even if jay still hadn't opened up to him yet.

"Get some rest. I'll order the Prazosin, low dose for now. We'll schedule appointments twice a week in the beginning. I'll let Will know if that's alright with you?"

Jay didn't answer just nodding his head in affirmation.

Will entered Jays after having a chat with Dr. Charles. He was relived Jay had agreed to get help. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, knowing Jay would get the help he needed voluntarily.

His brother was sleeping again. Still tiring easily, he was on his side facing the door, face lax in sleep. A slight snore escaped, making Will smile.

"Jay? Wake up," he needed to make Jay know he was being released from the hospital most likely the next day. He was only one MRI away from being discharged. It would make him happy so Will wanted to wake him up to tell him the great news.

"Wha…I'm up…" Jay woke up, still groggy.

"You're probably going home tomorrow, I spoke to Dr. Adams, he wants an MRI tomorrow, and if it looks good, you're free to go."

Jay perked up, he still looked like he could use a week of sleep and his eyes were blood shot from crying, but there was a smile on his face that could light up a room.

"Things are looking up Jay!" Will slapped his brother's shoulder, before going on for a hug.

Jay hugged him back, both holding on for longer then normal, needing the comfort.


End file.
